Security Alerts

[watson]

A bloke just sent me this:


The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised
yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not
been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but
ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a
"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.

In the Antipodes...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy
some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation,
which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the
event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together
in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels
remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a
situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

[tea lady]

[Waldo]

[The Bleeder]

[741Baus]

[jerryc]

[Bluegum]

What's scary is that most of it is more than likely true