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Thread: Security Alerts

  1. #1
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    Default Security Alerts

    A bloke just sent me this:


    The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
    threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from
    "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised
    yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not
    been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but
    ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a
    "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody
    Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
    terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
    in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
    precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
    factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
    excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
    remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
    Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
    also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
    only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
    deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
    new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
    their allies, just in case.

    In the Antipodes...

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
    "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a
    squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy
    some toy boats in the Prime
    Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation,
    which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the
    event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together
    in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
    worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels
    remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
    weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a
    situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

  2. #2
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    Default

    anne-maria.
    T
    ea Lady

    (White with none)
    Follow my little workshop/gallery on facebook. things of clay and wood.

  3. #3
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    Default


    I make things, I just take a long time.

    www.brandhouse.net.au

  4. #4
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    Default


  5. #5
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    Chainsaw Enthusiast

  6. #6
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    Default

    Every person takes the limit of their own vision for the limits of the world.

  7. #7
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    Default

    What's scary is that most of it is more than likely true
    Dave,
    hug the tree before you start the chainsaw.

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