* Actor -- A man who tries to be everything but himself.

* Adult -- A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

* Advice -- The one thing which is "More blessed to give than receive."

* Average Man -- One who thinks he isn't.

* Bank -- An institution where you can borrow money if you can present sufficient evidence to show that you don't need it.

* Bigamist -- One who makes the same mistake twice.

* Bore -- One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

* Bridge -- A card game in which a good deal depends on a good deal.

* Broadway -- A place where people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.

* Budget -- A method of worrying before you spend instead of afterward.

* Childish Game -- One at which someone beats you.

* Civilization -- A process of creating more needs than means to supply.

* Committee -- A body that keeps minutes and wastes hour.

* Conservative -- A man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

* Creditor -- A man who has better money than a debtor.

* Criminal -- One who gets caught.

* Courtship -- The period during which the girl decides whether or not she can do any better.

* Critic -- A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches.

* Diamond -- A woman's idea of a stepping stone to success.

* Economy -- Denying us a necessity today in order to buy a luxury tomorrow.

* Egotist -- A man who tells you those things about himself which you intended to tell him about yourself.