So what's all this about, then?

[Driver]

... was not un-melodic.

"Water. Water everywhere, nor any drop to drink (Ding!) ..." said Nemo.

"My point exactly!" spluttered Number One. "The water isn't supposed to be everywhere. It's supposed to be on the outside of the bloody sub!"

"Silence, fore and aft!" boomed Nemo in a voice designed to carry from the quarter deck to the fo'csle (neither of which formed any part of Nautilus's design) and he ...

[silentC]

... raised a skinny finger and pointed landward: "Wait, did I hear the dash of oars? A Hermit good lives in that wood, which slopes down to the sea."

Sure enough, a boat - and on board three silhouettes - was approaching from the nearby shore.

[Bob Willson]

"The Silhouettes", he thought, "Oh I loved them when I was a kid."
So thinking and humming one of their tunes to himself he cut a hole in the sub deck and began to push his number one ...

[Caliban]

past the edge of sanity, seeing as how the crew had started to submerge again to escape the music of the Silhouettes which was rumoured to drive sailors to their deaths. As the water rushed through the recently cut hole number one was rapidly drowning as he tried valiantly to stem the tide,
"Curse you Nemo" he bubbled as he died.

[Bob Willson]

"Sorry" said Nemo< " I didn't quite catch that number one. Would you mind repeating it please?"
Nemo had been brought up by his mother to always be very polite no matter what the provocation. "Oh, by the way Number One, I am going to promote you to a Number Two."
"That'd be right," thought the luckless officer, "Just about dead and he ...

[Driver]

... still can't get it right ..."

At this point, the first lieutenant found himself standing next to a very tasty brunette who was clad, fetchingly, in a trenchcoat, beret and ankle socks. He had miraculously been transported into the original universe.

"Listen vary carefoolly," she said. "I shall say zees only wence!"

"Strewth!" thought the happy submariner. "She's French, too!"

Michelle continued: "Zees is ze plan ....

[ernknot]

So what's the plan????

[ozwinner]

Ze plan is tuoo flum flam, ze flum flam man.

Geest as loong as wea doont get flumed or flamed in ze prooces...

[Grunt]

Eduardo who was in the room next door was sick to death of listening to these outrageous french accents. Eduardo grabed his Uzi 9mm and walked out of the his room and into the next. He then ...

[ozwinner]

poared himself an Uzi and coke just before......................

[ernknot]

drinking it he realised it would taste like crap and he should have mixed it with diesel to really enhance the flavour. Diesel on a cybership? The alternative stuff is.......

[ozwinner]

zyclonica which was real hoot to sniff also, so off went the intrepid French accent hatter ( he made hats in his spare time ) to.......................

[Grunt]

diesel shop and bought a litre of diesel and a litre of coke. This was going to be a big night for our Eduardo. He started to undress ...

[ozwinner]

his dress and dress his un, which is what always happened when he drank the whole litre of coke in one session.............fade to black...................

[Caliban]

MEANwhile in the other universe the rest of the crew were admiring the dwelling of the tall, handsome older looking chap beside the sometimes silent sea, in the hope of being invited inside for a closer look at the internal guttering and the expensive golf clubs. Actually they were just being polite while they waited for the imminent return of number one from his latest unexpected departure. They had learned that you could never trust him to be dead just because the captain had drowned him twice, so to kill (sorry) time they were being complimentary about various wooden masterpieces whilst drinking the very best collection of S.A. Reds on the south coast. Just as the tall chap was despairing they heard the now familiar sound of the universe ripping open and in walked number one, saying...