Fine Litreatchure

[Christopha]

A classic example of the difference between men and women (especially immature students):

English professor at an American University: "Today we will experiment With
a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person Will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read
the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two English students: Rebecca & Gary - last names deleted.

STORY:

Rebecca... At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy
evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all
costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
-------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit
sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
-------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
-------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
-------------------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
-------------------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ******* TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."
-------------------------------------------------
*******.
-------------------------------------------------
*****.
-------------------------------------------------
******.
-------------------------------------------------
****.
-------------------------------------------------
Get ******.
-------------------------------------------------
Eat *****.
-------------------------------------------------
**** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
-------------------------------------------------
Go drink some tea - ****.
-------------------------------------------------

Teacher: A+ I really liked this one.

Me Too

[Dusty]

Hystirical....No. That looks wrong... How about just damned funny?

I loved it... So did my missus, oddly enough.

[Ben from Vic.]

[silentC]

... and not one mention of wood, wooden, or Susan....

[vsquizz]

There was no Roger.

[Iain]

Did Carl actually 'Ing' Laura or whatever her name was ?
Ing, the new BB obscenity,shame on you vsquiz :mad:

[vsquizz]

Did Carl actually 'Ing' Laura or whatever her name was ?
Ing, the new BB obscenity,shame on you vsquiz :mad:

[ernknot]

Laura is a what????

[Caliban]

Laura is a what????

relative!

[Caliban]

Laura is a what????

relative!