So what's all this about, then?

[craigb]

love it!!

Now I know why I was always told not to have ideas above my station.

Those bloody aristos just wanted to keep the fun for themselves.

Crabtree was so outraged by this discovery that he resolved to ....

[Grunt]

go back to school and learn how to ...

[silentC]

... Roger the ...

[Driver]

...saurus (that was Roget, wasn't it?).

Roget's Thesaurus would possibly help Crabtree to find synonyms for those words he had most difficulty in pronouncing.

Michelle was delighted with this notion and showed her approval by ...

[ernknot]

scratching her bum with the salad fork which also came in handy as a......

[ozwinner]

salad fork

[Grunt]

and nose picker. When she attempted to use it, something amazing happened...

[ernknot]

the salad left on the fork dissapeared up her nose caisng her to .........

[echnidna]

sneeze very violently which sent her into a spin. As she spun faster and faster she spun in an ever dimishing circle until all of a sudden she....

[Driver]

...tore yet another hole in the fabric of the universe (or, as Crabtree was now qualified to advise her from his study of Roget's Thesaurus: omneity; whole; world; creation; all; sum of things etc).

Digging into the pocket of her trenchcoat, she extracted her official Resistance Girl's Sewing Kit and rapidly repaired the hole. In doing so, she managed to prevent that bugger Staines from clambering through again. However, he got a foot through before Michelle could entirely prevent him. Consequently, the fabric of the universe (omneity; whole etc) now had a puckered repair with Staines' foot sticking through it. An ugly sight which made Crabtree ...

[ernknot]

think of his half foot. I should not be envious he tought half a foot is ok in the scheme of things and as such he ....

[echnidna]

he pulled his tape measure out and measured up just to make sure he still had 6 inches

[ozwinner]

of double chin......and no........not the Chinese type.

Sorry Wongo.

[Driver]

Suitably reassured at the condition and scale of his equipment (and making a swift mental note to obtain a fresh supply of Max Factor Knacker Lacquer - he had observed a slight lack of lustre in the near vicinity of his cluster), Crabtree returned to the important task of chatting up Michelle (who still looked very tasty).

"Good moaning!" he said. "I may hiv sim good nose for you."

Michelle was used to Crabtree's appalling pronunciation of her native tongue so she only needed to make a slight mental adjustment to discern that the Captoon had glad tidings.

"Oh yes?" she said. "And what news might that be?"

"Well," he said, " ...

[ernknot]

"I forgot, nevertheless you look delicious and i wonder if I may have a bit of.....