So what's all this about, then?

[vsquizz]

At this point the "Very Little Granitas Indeed" shook violently. Woger, I mean Roger the apprentice rushed up on all fours and shouting about a big hole. It seemed the good ship had struck a submerged reef, which on later inspection was found to be an artificial reef made up old GMC power tools. It seemed the only thing big enough to plug the hole and save the ship was Edna's......

[bitingmidge]

F250 which she had found beside the road with it's engine completely stuffed. She.....

[silentC]

... folded her arms, blinked and nodded her head at the same time. There was a sort of an indescribable boing/twang sound and the F250 disappeared and re-appeared in the hole. Edna looked around at the crew, who were all staring slack-jawed. "Well, haven't you ever seen ...

[craigb]

attempted to stuff it into the hole but sadly it wouldn't fit.

Suddenly a voice boomed out over the ship's Intercom:

"This ship's integrity has been compromised and it will self destruct in 5 minutes"

Yes it was the voice of the ship's computer.

The crew looked at each other in consternation as they all knew that the lifeboat would only hold three people. But which three would it be.

The Ship's computer intoned:

This ship will self destruct in four minutes and thirty seconds" .....

[Grunt]

"She canna take it, Capt'n. She's gunna blow... " and wirh that Edna did the blinking of the head and arms trick that didn't work last time becauase the narrator got confused. The whole crew suddenly found themselves on a ...

[Driver]

... completely different rate of pay from the one they had all agreed when they enlisted. This led them to ...

[Christopha]

Who all had wooden legs and wooden willies and wooden......

[Caliban]

eyes!
But back to Droover....this led them to hold a union meeting, where they immediately elected a pommy shop steward called demon woody, who negotiated a whole new deal on the proviso that the script writers included something stolen from Douglas Adams and so they introduced Marvin the paranoid android to the troublesome ship's computer who after twenty three seconds with Marvin committed suicide and saved thre ship from total destruction. This left our mottley crew feeling tempted to do a cover version of the old Split Enz song "six months in a leaking ship", but the leak and the sudden demise of the computer with its whizz bang DVd recording capabilities left them without the wherewithall. Just then HeaveHo hit the warp button again because his alter ego had written himself into a corner, with (other than the mullet story) no apparent way out.

[vsquizz]

So, spurred on by their new borne workplace agreement the crew members decided to throw a party, which was not a good idea at Warp 7 but nobody seemed to mind. The Ex Captain Beaut asked Woger if he knew where Staines was, "in the back of your undies apparently" replied Woger. "No No, Seamen Staines" shouted Beaut. "Well presumably these would be in the front" said Roger but the Ex-Captain was ranting again.

And so went the booze up. At the height of this sulubrious gathering Master Pornpurveyor, suffering the affects of too many.......

[Caliban]

apprentices, decided it was time to say "wooden", but was beaten to it by me. So master pornpurveyor threatened to use the universally feared delete button , if the party didn't get back on track. Maenwhile Marvin decided to go and talk to Master PP's computer which also committed suicide, making it safe for the crew to go off track for a while longer. They...

[Christopha]

... groaned aloud at Hovos' wooden humour and the extreme length of his.... oops!! I meant his verbosity and therefore they all.....

[craigb]

decided it was time to crash. And so they did. "Zzzzzz", "Zzzzzzz snork phwart", these were the gentle sounds arising from the good ship Very Little Gravitas.

Until ...

[Grunt]

the ship sank, leaving no survivors.

A small fish name Flimo started to chew on the remains of one of the crew.

[vsquizz]

but it turned out to be Ol Mr Zwinnger and Flimo spat out the pieces in disgust....

[RETIRED]

Oh Bugger just when I got me new axe too!