"Dad, " said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow. "

"OK, son, " said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes. "
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"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge.

"Well, Your Honor, " replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' "
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'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike, ' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day.

'Why?' 'I've put a file in your cake.'