So what's all this about, then?

[Caliban]

obviously
what's next is a gift voucher to Bunnings who never seem to have the catalogue item you want in stock. True! I only wanted the stanley chisel grinding jig for $34.95. tHEY DIDN'T HAVE ONE , BUT HAD A SUPERCRAFT ONE FOR $23.95, tIMBECON HAVE THE SAME THING (UN BRANDED) FOR $11.35.
Love bunnings, didn't buy anything.
Come on Doorstop, let me have it, they helped your dad, big deal!

[ernknot]

When he awoke from his nightmare hed thought, "I must stop smoking crack......"

[Bob Willson]

..followed immediately by "Hold on, I'm not smoking crack, my crack is smoking"

Looking down he was able to assure himself that the crack in his ..

[Grunt]

was indeed smoking and he reminded himself that he need to buy more vaseline.

It was then that Staines shouted "Liar Liar, Cracks on Fire" and proceeded to ...

[Driver]

... perform a clog ...

[vsquizz]

clogatonomy, which is a rare and delicate procedure, pioneered by the great Furgle himself and now famous for extinguishing the great burn of the back passage, although this was not what Furgle had originally intended, but...

[RETIRED]

I am considering deleting this thread if it gets too far off base. It is getting close!!:eek:

[ozwinner]

Fee Fei Foo Fum, said the half asleep giant that all the stupid charaters in the story had disturbed from his slumber.

The characters had made such a ruckass that the giant had woken with a bad head ache.
It wasnt the actual noise the giant objected too, it was all the silly confused giggleing girly chatter that got up his nose.
God, give me strenth uttered the giant, then he asked himself, wheres me delete axe?
Bloody hell, he couldnt find it, it was so rarely used that he forgot where he had left it.

Now he remembered, he took it to Mernda for show and tell around the camp fire, and left it proped against a large stump.
Ill give Oz a ring and see if he has it, I hope the bugger hasnt sold it on me?
So the giant..........................

Al

[vsquizz]

lumbered off to find some other poor unsuspecting englishment to prosecute. It was at this time Captian Beaut shouted aaaaarrrGGGhh me hard done by Bulletin Board Menbers, its a time we sailed this fine old lady out of this quagmire. "Hoist the Jolly Roger" at the word Roger everone looked at the Cabin Boy but I digress.... Seamen Staines shot off up to the Crows Nest to keep a sharp eye out for the giant and his deletion axe while the rest of the shabby godforsaken crew.....
set about the business of sailing out of the back passage to fairer seas. "Mr HeavHo" roared Captain Beaut "yourself and Mr Stillson be about weighing anchors smartly if you like". HeavHo grinned and shot off to find some scales. Stillson was still trying to work out what he could be smartly at.

"Mr BraceGrunt" roared Capt Beaut "Aye Sir" recoiled BraceGrunt awakening from his hammock two decks below and banging his head on some mahogany cant frames, such was the bellow of the Captain. "Plot me a course out of this worm infested cess pit". The crew groaned for it was BraceGrunts appointed duties of navigating officer.

Meanwhile in the galley....

[Grunt]

the cook was washing his shoes in tonights ...

[vsquizz]

Shellalarki, an ancient mariners broth like soup, prepared by the cook Werknot who wasn't actually a qualified chef but was a Fitter & Turner which was ironic because most of the crew considered he fitted good food into a pot and turned it into sh "GGrrrrrr" the Giant's voice could be heard overhead.....something else.

"Eat up you mangey mongrels" shouted Werknot "or you'll get scurvy and end up looking like Ol Mr winnger". The crew sighed and checked their broth for clogs.

Back on deck Captain Beaut was....

[Grunt]

shouting orders to Mr BraceGrunt, "Make it so, Number One" and with that Mr BraceGrunt pressed the warp drive button and ...

[echnidna]

screaming .... to about his last comment "I am considering deleting this thread if it gets too far off base. It is getting close!!"

Hey if you delete the thread it can I have the copyright.
I'll make a million if I repackage it as kids TV show and syndicate it...

[ernknot]

the ship shot forward and hit the giant right in the ...........

[vsquizz]

right in the walnuts..stowage. Back in the galley the shift to warp drive had sent everything flying. "One of these days" muttered Werknot "I'm gunna go up that Bridge and shove the Captains sextant right up his telescope.

"Report Mr BraceGrunt" demanded Captain Beaut. "Well Captain we seem to have warped into uncharted territory" replied BraceGrunt who actually got his name from an unfortunate incident while drilling holes in the ships hull.

At that moment the ship's dog wandered onto the bridge much to the amazement of Captain Beaut. "Mr BraceGrunt is it not traditional that any fine vessel should bequeath a cat" inquired the Captain "Aaahh yes sssir" stammered the agitated No 1. "So why is it we have this" stated the Captain pointing at the canine. "Well sir this Deefa the Ship's Dog" said BraceGrunt. The Captain at this point was becoming somewhat irrated. "Deefa" he roared, "Aye Captain Dee Fa Dog" trembled BraceGrunt "GGggrrrrr" rumbled overhead as it seems really old bad jokes were in danger of bringing down the deletion Axe.

The Captain sighed and resigned himself to the fact, much to the relief of the crew. However he again questioned the No 1. "Why is it we have a dog instead of a cat" he asked. "Well its like this Sir" interjected Mr HeavHo, "you see most of the crew seem to think, without malice or predjudice, that cats are an unecoligally sound animal for this environment". Really replied the Captain losing interest. "And Captain" said Mr Stillson, the cat was bad for Crewman Jemi's pet rat. "Crewman Jemi has a pet rat" asked the now confused captain. "Yes Sir, she keeps it under the oregon planking". "Well tell her to get rid of it" said the Captain. "I don't think thats a very good idea captain" said HeavHo, "and why not?" asked Captain Beaut, "Well Sir" said a now nervous HeavHo its just that... well, she canna take anymore Captain!

Meanwhile Mr BraceGrunt" had decided to do a muster. It seems the Cabin Boy had gone overboard never to be heard of again. Everybody new Seamen Staines would be dissappointed. BraceGrunt noted that Mr Hechnida and Mr Wilencee were missing from the muster and he told the Bosun to check the beer store and when he found them to give them a good.....