Scotland The Brave

[fenderbelly]

Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer the
Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears the battlefield there
suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short,ginger-haired guy in a kilt.

'Hammer o'the Scots?' yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. 'Come up
here, ya English b ** tards, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!'

Edward turns to his commander. 'Send 20 men to deal with that little
Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!', he says. The commander sends
twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears
again.

'Ya English bampots!', he yells. 'Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll
have ye all !'

Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. 'Send 100
men to kill that little guttersnipe!'

The commander sends a hundred men over the hill to do the job.Ten minutes
later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more,his hair
all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. 'Ya English SCUM!', he yells.
'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English gits!!'

Edward loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM
OFF THE EARTH!', he yells.

The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men
on horseback over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn,
his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru. 'Is that the best ye can
do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of
Jessies!!!', he yells.

Edward turns to his second in command. 'Take 1000 men over that h ill and
don't come back till you've killed him!' he commands.

The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to
their fate.

Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of
the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. 'Your
Majesty!! he yells.

It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them !!

[wheelinround]

Hail The Scotsman

[pitbull]

[fenderbelly]

good to see you around again mate.

Cheers Fred

[Grumpy John]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"

London lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, licence and registration, please!"

London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the **** out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

[Ozkaban]

nice! Love lawyer jokes