So what's all this about, then?

[bitingmidge]

obviously an object that had been finished in Shellawax, but although it's shape was vaguely familar he.....

[Caliban]

...had spent so long trying to make sure every reference had something to do with wood , or had something nasty to say about the (wooden) doorstop, that he just couldn't recognise his own keyboard, even when the screen lover he had found asked if he would (wood) like to...

[Christopha]

... play "hide the woody" he wouldn't because.......

[Grunt]

of a pathological fear of splinters. He decided that it was time to get out of here so he pressed the slightly warped wooden warp button and found himself stark naked and alone, with the exception of his banana on an island. He looked down and noticed ...

[craigb]

that he had wood.

Stuff Viagra he thought to himself, all I need is some lusty wood talk.


Raising his eyes he noticed....

[Christopha]

... a beeautiful Blackwood tree with a wooden angel on the top, "cor, wooden I" he thought and took out his pencil sharpener to.......

[Driver]

. . .tune up his writing implement so that he could write

"Good Moaning! It is I, Captoon Crabtroo!"

And the maving foonger hiving wrot, he . . .

[Caliban]

scratched his head in a gesture of complete perplexity because...

[silentC]

... he had never been to France and couldn't imagine where that had come from. He heard a voice from behind the Blackwood tree. It said "listen carefully, I will say this only once." He listened carefully. He waited, but nothing more was spoken. He walked around the tree and there crouching in the shadows ...

[Driver]

... was a small French pervert. He was attempting unsuccessfully to peer up the trenchcoat of an attractive person who was clearly a member of the Resistance. You could tell she was a member of the Resistance because she was wearing, in addition to the trenchcoat, a beret and ankle socks. She said (only once, mind you) ...

[Caliban]

a whole lot of jibberish that only Driver and SilentC could understand, the gist of which was...

[Driver]

... that all the crew of the good ship Venus, in particular Seaman Staines, should immediately return to the harbour for embarkation because ...

[HappyHammer]

..if they failed to board in time they would be hunted down and flogged most severly, Semen Staines like the sound of this and settled down under a tree awaiting capture and a good flogging. Woger the cabin boy however convinced him if they returned to the ship he'd get his flogging sooner so the intrepid duo set off.....

[silentC]

... the crackers that Woger had in his pockets just in case the deck of the Venus was burning when they arrived, attached as he was to all three of his knackers. They went off with a bang ...

[Caliban]

which started a whole new universe...