shmbo

[Baz]

Why do women have small feet?







So they can stand close to the sink.

[Kev Y.]

Why dont women burp or fart??


Because they can not keep their mouths closed long enough to build up any pressure!

Kev

[Barry_White]

What is the difference between a hormonal woman and an Iranian Terrorist?












At least you can negotiate with an Iranian Terrorist.

[scooter]

How do you give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares!


Son:"Mum, what's an orgasm?"

Mum:"I don't know, ask your father."


What does WIFE stand for?

Washing Ironing Food & Entertainment (cleaned that up....!)

[RETIRED]

Excellent! Well done Scooter

[Christopha]

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth

[Iain]

No...............on second thoughts I'd better not :confused:

[Ben from Vic.]

Son comes home from school and says "dad, I got a part in the school play"

To which the father replys "great son, which part did you get?".

"I got the part of the husband" the son informs him.

"don't worry son, maybe you'll get a speaking part next time"

Ben.



Ps. C'mon ladies your not gonna take this are you? were's your jokes?

[fxst]

Ps. C'mon ladies your not gonna take this lying down are you? were's your jokes?

well theres an opening .......naaaaaah I leave it for

[Christopha]

There were three blokes talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"

[Caliban]

well theres an opening .......naaaaaah I leave it for

To which was about to reply when Christopha saved him by saying...