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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Kentucky NSW near Tamworth, Australia
    Age
    86
    Posts
    1,067

    Default Australian Myths

    These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers
    are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have
    a sense of humour.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on
    TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
    them die.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
    tracks? ( Sweden )

    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me
    a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK
    )

    A: What did your last slave die of?

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
    ( USA )

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
    does not
    ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
    Kings Cross. Come naked.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
    and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    _________________________________________________

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is .
    oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
    in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

    A: You are a British politician, right?

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
    round? ( Germany )

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
    rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
    and make good pets.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I
    forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
    of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
    You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before
    you go out walking.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

    A: Yes, gay night clubs.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

    A: Only at Christmas.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl
    I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Northern Brisbania...
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Dear Barry,

    Nice One(s) -

    Thanks for the laughs,
    Batpig.

  3. #3
    ss_11000 is offline You've got to risk it to get the biscuit
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    32
    Posts
    0

    Default

    i liked em
    S T I R L O

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    melbourne
    Age
    90
    Posts
    344

    Default

    Bazza,

    Got a confession to make. I lifted your myths and posted them on UK workshop.co.uk. I'll let you know what comments I get. Have to admit I squibbed out from putting onto an American site.


    Jerry

    War does not decide who is right. War only decides who is left.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Tallahassee FL USA
    Age
    82
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jerryc View Post
    Bazza,

    Got a confession to make. I lifted your myths and posted them on UK workshop.co.uk. I'll let you know what comments I get. Have to admit I squibbed out from putting onto an American site.


    Jerry

    War does not decide who is right. War only decides who is left.
    Probably a good exercise of discretion, but only for the time being. I downloaded it and e-mailed to about 25 Oosans, and so far I've had 2 favourable responses, none otherwise. WWF member Gil Jones replied with a link to a Canadian variation: http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp The "which way is north" didn't translate very well at all. There's also a South African version, but the Oz version is a bit sharper.

    Joe
    Of course truth is stranger than fiction.
    Fiction has to make sense. - Mark Twain

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    melbourne
    Age
    90
    Posts
    344

    Default

    Joe,

    It's safe enough if an American does it, but some of those good ol boys down south ain't got quite the same sort of humour we are used to.

    Jerry

    War does not decide who is right. War only decides who is left.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    78
    Posts
    1,332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by joe greiner View Post
    There's also a South African version, but the Oz version is a bit sharper.

    Joe
    ...as you would expect.
    Visit my website
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