right words

[Elbow]

A man woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. He doesn't remember how he got home from the party.

Fearful he made some horrible blunder he forces his eyes open and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. Next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing, all clean and pressed on a chair. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order and spotlessly clean.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son... what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT.... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'

Elbow

[Allan at Wallan]

And you expect us to believe that Allan

Allan

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I once stole a calendar - and got 12 months.