> Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
>
> Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal to put 5 people
> in a Quattro, Quattro means four'.
> 'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorts
> disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
> persons.'
> You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means four. You
> have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
> 'The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
> want to speak to someone with more intelligence!'
> 'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.'
>
> ******************************************
>
> Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show
> off his new flat.
> After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong
> taking pride of place in the lounge.
> 'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked
> 'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' the man replied,
> 'How does it work?'
> 'I'll show you', the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with
> an unpadded hammer.
> Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, 'For,
> *****sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!'