And So It Begins...

[Black Ned]

try and get the attention of that big burly barman. "Oh Darling !" Barry barked in his tough, no nonsense, bushmans voice " Can we have a couple of Pimms and Lemonade and some crisps? please! ... and one for your goodself Ducky!" ... and make sure that John's

[Incoming!]

... favourite TV programme, you know the one, is turned on for him before he comes back from the toilet? You know how much he likes it, there's a poppet. What? What do you mean you don't know what it is? It's ...

[Incoming!]

... died in the ahrs - that's what! Unable to tell the difference between paralysed and paralytic (hic) Barry and Jon staggered out of the pub where so many momentous events had taken place.

On their way home, they passed a psychological counselling clinic, where they booked in for a session the very next day. The counsellor's name was ..

[tea lady]

written in big letters above the door. Unfortunately, bad finishing and intense U.V. exposer have caused half the letters to fade away completely to nothing. So now instead of the sign saying "Dr O'Flarity, Councelling and Group Therapy" it said.....

[Black Ned]

'Hot Tubs & Bubs' ----- "Come In" said the fella spruiking out the front.
You could not hold John back as he push past Barry (trying to keep upright and dignified) straight

[Incoming!]

into the arms of a steely eyed receptionist.

"We need help!" cried John.

"We can fix all your woes and have you feeling like a new man in just an hour," she cooed.

"Will I have to lie on a couch and talk about my childhood?" whimpered Barry.

The receptionist looked puzzled. "Well, we normally charge extra for that. It involves specialised training on the part of our therapists. But I'm sure that we can give your inner ..."

[Black Ned]

most worries a little tweaking after you confess where you bought those tights."
"Oh! there just so gorgeous, and the

[Incoming!]

crutchless feature leaves me feeling as free as a bird. The only trouble is ...

[tea lady]

we don't allow puppies in the rooms. Is that your puppy?" She demanded to know. Barry and John (or was that John and Barry?) wheel around to find the cute puppy had followed them on their exploites. "Wee'll just denigh everything" Barry muttered to John. But before they could return to negotiating with the steely receptionist who should burst in but....

[Incoming!]

the iron chefs in hot pursuit of their main ingredient. "You'll never take this puppy alive!" shouted John.

"Yeah right," added Barry, trying to hide behind the receptionist.

Just then a flyng wok connected with the side of Barry's head, knocking him to the ground.

"Which kung fu dat?" shouted John.

The iron chefs circled the puppy, making menacing movements with their mincers. (Like the alliteration?)

The receptinist, sensing a disturbance in the force, picked up her favourite ...

[Black Ned]

video "Jaimie Does Dallas Duck" and inserted it into the inhouse video player and pressed play. The giant Korean Plasma burst into life with a scene of Jaimie stuffing a duck with "Principal's Secret" relish and breadcrumbs. The Iron Chefs attention was diverted from the little "Labradoodle/St Bernard" long enough for Wongo, who was in the tub in the other room and thought he recognised a voice of a fellow forum member in distress, too appear semi-naked and..

[Incoming!]

recited a rousing chorus of Vogon poetry at the miscreants. Upon hearing that he would "hooptiously drangle them with a crinkly bindle wurdle" the Iron chefs screamed and ran from the premises.

In the meantime, the labradoodle/St Bernard puppy whose name was ...

[artme]

Santa Foccacia......

[ernknot]

crapped all over the kitchen floor causing......................

[Incoming!]

loud retching noises coming from Allan and Barry.

"Who's going to clean that up?" demanded Barry. Both turned to look at Wongo who ....