Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    South Australia
    Age
    52
    Posts
    23

    Talking Actual responses to problems

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
    (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    here
    Posts
    67

    Default

    love it ive got tears from laughing so hard
    Some People are like slinky's,
    They serve no purpose at all,
    but they put a smile on your face when you throw them down the stairs.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    225

    Default

    That is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time.
    I wanted to become a brickie but my old man said "No son, learn a trade."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    between orange & forbes nsw
    Age
    78
    Posts
    53

    Default

    Having trouble replying as I am still laughing too much to type.
    Good one you've made my night.
    Regards Bob

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •