What she really means leason one.

[DaveInOz]

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something, and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine," and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!"

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh?" as the lead to a reply to you usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "You're welcome."

12. "Thanks a Lot"
"Thanks a Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks a Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


Now, does this make it all clear to you?? :confused:

[Wongo]

What about the word “bargain”? My wife once bought something $5 from a $2 shop. :confused: Work that one out.

[DaveInOz]

Sorry Wongo.

13. "Bargain". This is where a woman will pay $10 for a $30 item she doesn't need. Men will often confuse this and happily pay $30 for a $10 item they do need, so long as it is closer / quicker / easier than getting it for $10.

[silentC]

My wife often says "you don't frighten me". What does that mean, Dr. Dave :confused:

[DaveInOz]

SilentC
"you don't frighten me" is normaly one of two things
a) you DO frighten her and she is acting brave - I would suggest a papper bag over your head if this is the case.
OR
b) its a dare. see 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) and more particularly 9. "That's Okay"

I hope this helps and in some small way I've made your mariage happier

[Robert WA]

Dave, that was very instructive. I have been married to the same lady for 38 years and, only now, am beginning to understand her. Your post will be a great help.

[Wood Borer]

Silent,

Close the bathroom door next time you have a shower and see if this fixes the problem.

- Wood Borer

[AlexS]

Aaah, the pleasures of a happy marriage. 35 years to the same lady, and it only seems like 50.

[silentC]

Silent,

Close the bathroom door next time you have a shower and see if this fixes the problem.

- Wood Borer

Is that where I'm going wrong? Now I understand why she doesn't want to shower together to save water

[Iain]

I can relate to 13, comes home with a bag of crap with red stickers on and something for me (although I have no idea what to do with a plastic icy pole stick with holes in it).
The peril at our place is the dreaded garage sale, this is where locals attempt to save tip fee's by offloading rubbish onto unsuspecting passersby, to wit, SWMBO.
#14 GARAGE SALE-BARGAINS FOR ALL :mad:

[DPB]

I have been married to the same lady for 38 years

I'v been married for 20 happy years - that ain't bad out of 40!

[Sturdee]

I'v been married for 20 happy years - that ain't bad our of 40!

That is fantastic as you're only 18

Peter.

[DPB]

That is fantastic as you're only 18

Peter.

Yes, Peter, but unfortunately, I seem to be grey prematurely. And I just hate those age spots on the back of my hands. At this pace I’ll never see 30.