5 Step Management Course

[Baz]

> >>Lesson 1 :
> >>
> >>A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> >>shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel
> >>and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the
> >>next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800
> >>to drop that towel " . After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
> >>towel and stands naked in front of Bob . After a few seconds, Bob hands
> >>her $800 and leaves.
> >>
> >>The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets
> >>to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
> >>
> >>"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband
> >>says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
> >>
> >>Moral of the story:
> >>
> >>If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your
> >>shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> >>exposure.
> >>
> >>Lesson 2 :
> >>
> >>A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
> >>her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
> >>controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said,
> >>"Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> >>
> >>The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up
> >>her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> >>
> >>The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
> >>
> >>Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On
> >>his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
> >>said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
> >>
> >>Moral of the story:
> >>
> >>If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> >>opportunity.
> >>
> >>Lesson 3 :
> >>
> >>A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch
> >>when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> >>
> >>The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
> >>
> >>"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas
,
> >>driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
> >>
> >>Puff! She's gone.
> >>
> >>"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing
> >>on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas
> >>and the love of my life."
> >>
> >>Puff! He's gone.
> >>
> >>"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
> >>
> >>The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
> >>
> >>Moral of the story:
> >>
> >>Always let your boss have the first say.
> >>
> >>Lesson 4 :
> >>
> >>An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw
> >>the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
> >>
> >>The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
> >>below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the
> >>rabbit and ate it.
> >>
> >>Moral of the story:
> >>
> >>To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
> >>
> >>Lesson 5 :
> >>
> >>A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the
> >>top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> >>
> >>"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
> >>
> >>They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
> >>found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of
> >>the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second
> >>branch.
> >>
> >>Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of
> >>the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
> >>tree.
> >>
> >>Moral of the story:
> >>
> >>BullSh#t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
> >>
> >>Lesson 6 :
> >>
> >>A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> >>froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there,
> >>a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there
> >>in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung
was
> >>actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began
> >>to sing for joy.
> >>
> >>A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
> >>the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
> >>promptly dug him out and ate him.
> >>
> >>Morals of the story:
> >>
> >>(1) Not everyone who sh#ts on you is your enemy.
> >>
> >>(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh#t is your friend.
> >>
> >>(3) And when you're in deep sh#t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

[echnidna]

yer definately MD material Baz

[Baz]

Yeah Yeah, I know I can't count.
Cheers
Barry