The Code of Practice

[bricks]

c o d e is that what the kids are calling it nowdays

[Honorary Bloke]

The Owner of the Shed shall posess the authority to formulate His own Code of Practice, using the basic fundamentals of Shed ettiquite.

Ahh, but in this direction lies anarchy, Grasshopper. For a bloke to develop his own Code is impossible, because then it would not be a Code, just a collection of personal eccentricities.

The Code of Practice is but the logical outcome of the theory of the Social Contract. The Social Contract is a means by which we can come together to agree what is generally acceptable and unacceptable in any given shed and thus promote the best interests of all blokely shed owners. As Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau argued so cogently, the Social Contract (dare we refer to it henceforth as the Shed Contract? I think so.) is necessary for the successful functioning of society. Without a Shed Contract (let us speak plainly now), a bloke visiting another bloke's shed would be in a constant state of tension, lest he unknowingly violate that shed owner's personal rules.

Oh ho, but we do have the Code. Consider now that the visiting bloke knows what to do and not do and can join in the general camaraderie of the shed without fear of a misstep. What's more, in his own shed, the bloke not only understands his role (which is that of absolute monarch) but also can depend on his subjects (shed visitors) to behave according to the correct protocol.

So you see, the Code exists for the benefit of the Greater Good and should be embraced in that vein.

[The above does not, of course, apply to chaps, who are free to write their own rules as no decent bloke would associate with them anyway and other chappies visiting their Space are equally likely to be nongs.]

There will be a quiz on Thursday.

[Cliff Rogers]

Struth!!!!

Go easy Bob... you are starting to sound like (waffle like) bloody Ding.

PS. I did however, read the whole lot & understand it, so maybe you aren't doing that bad yet.

[Wild Dingo]

Struth!!!!

Go easy Bob... you are starting to sound like (waffle like) bloody Ding.

PS. I did however, read the whole lot & understand it, so maybe you aren't doing that bad yet.

Steady up ol fella yer encroachin nigh on to warrin country with them words!!

ahem... I do not waffle... like or otherwise!... I ruminate cogitate extrapolate and generally converse! more often than not with meownself but at times with others... and yes inclusive of your own self Cliffy me boyo! so steady up ol son steady up

Now... this code... Ive printed of the existing code as it stood back a few pages in time... and Ive sat on the royal throne and pondered its contents... I have spent many MANY friggin hours attempting to reduce the duced words and paragraphs down to a few short succinct ones that could be made into an easily read by any visiting bloke to the shed document that can be laminated framed and hung at eyesocket level in full view of said visitor to shed... but have failed miserably to do so

Sooo whats to do with this code of practice to make it more bloke freindly? Do we have to make it into a book to have on hand to give to any venturous bloke type sod who may wander through the door of the said shed... in so doing do we say nothing hand them the book point at the moaning chair and shout "READ THAT" and leave them to it? Sounds right rude to me... and knowing most blokes a book like tombe such as has been created in this code would be glanced at and tossed to one side never to be read said bloke would then begin wandering around touching fondling and sneeking drinks from the fridge whilst the owner of the shed would be busy doin stuff... not a good thing in my book

So we NEED a shortened condensed version that is simple easy and to the point so any bloke would not help but be drawn to reading it... this would then make the rules of the Shed ala the code clear to any visitor to the shed bloke or heaven forbid sheila type... as is well known NO bloke in his right mind will read a document such as this IF he doesnt HAVE to... and a visitor we must agree does not feel any urgency to read ANYTHING

I therefore submit that someone MUST write a condensed shortened perhaps in point form code of practice for the benefit of all and continued harmony in the shed.

Now thinking about this I believe it should be on A3 size parchment and framed under glass so as to look mightily officious an serious thus grabbing the visiting blokes attention upon entry... this I feel would stop the visiting bloke in his tracks and draw his attention to the code wherein upon reading the points written therein would behave in suitable fashion... ie: run out of the shed and down to the local rubbetty to pick up the required BEER to replenish the beer fridge stocks... I do think many have not given this one point the attention it deserves which is a sad indictment on those blokes with sheds who have given this code of practice their attention and assistance... sad

What can be done regarding this matter?

As for distribution I feel aside from every contributor that has given of their time ruminations eludications and efforts on this the code of practice thread at ubeaut.com.au forums getting a complimentary A3 framed original... this could be signed by all however many contributors (much like the USA constitution eh? very officious indeed!) and sent to them poste haste!... but a copy also should be sent to that shed bloke of shed blokes the shed scientist for him to include with his package when a bloke becomes one of the band of brothers with "good shed" status... thus promote the wholesomeness brilliance and communal nature of "The Shed Code of practice"

We must at all times strive to help and assist our fellow shedites and this I feel would assist and help a good many new young shedites who of no fault of their own are without a bloody clue with regard shed etiquite and proper diplomacy with regard their sheds... and thus we would be furthering our great forum and its brilliant membership...

The code of practice document should always include reference to the Ubeaut forum and its members from whence it came

[Cliff Rogers]

.... I have spent many MANY friggin hours attempting to reduce the duced words and paragraphs down to a few short succinct ones ....

That doesn't sound like you Ding.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

A condensed version, eh? Hmmm... how 'bout:

MY SHED
(Rules & conditions apply)

[Wild Dingo]

That doesn't sound like you Ding.

Im thinking of others Cliffy mate... some of who have the attention span when it comes to things like rules of an gnat... not even a gnat on heat just a half dead gnat... so Im thinking there should be a shorter version to cater for them blokes you know?

gawd mate Ive gotta stop worryin about other buggars!! strewth they dont wanna read the book called The Shed.. The code of practice" then tuff shyte sport when I toss em out the damned door!!

[wonderplumb]

Now, now... have you read the code?

I draw your attention to this section....

4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

You don't sound very happy.... is somebody violating your code?

Good Lord no! What was meant by the little swear words is that there is boundaries, and as long as these boundaries are not over-stepped, I have total dominion and control and am therefore happy. Example, my best mate has an awesome shed on his farm, being a former aircraft engineer he has a rather hefty Snap on tool chest. I know without being told, should I happen to find myself within arms reach of said tool chest I risk, at worst a broken arm, at least being banished from the Shed. A Shed worthy visitor in my opinion has the common sense to know instinctively what the boundaries are.

[wonderplumb]

Ahh, but in this direction lies anarchy, Grasshopper. For a bloke to develop his own Code is impossible, because then it would not be a Code, just a collection of personal eccentricities.

The Code of Practice is but the logical outcome of the theory of the Social Contract. The Social Contract is a means by which we can come together to agree what is generally acceptable and unacceptable in any given shed and thus promote the best interests of all blokely shed owners. As Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau argued so cogently, the Social Contract (dare we refer to it henceforth as the Shed Contract? I think so.) is necessary for the successful functioning of society. Without a Shed Contract (let us speak plainly now), a bloke visiting another bloke's shed would be in a constant state of tension, lest he unknowingly violate that shed owner's personal rules.

Oh ho, but we do have the Code. Consider now that the visiting bloke knows what to do and not do and can join in the general camaraderie of the shed without fear of a misstep. What's more, in his own shed, the bloke not only understands his role (which is that of absolute monarch) but also can depend on his subjects (shed visitors) to behave according to the correct protocol.

So you see, the Code exists for the benefit of the Greater Good and should be embraced in that vein.

[The above does not, of course, apply to chaps, who are free to write their own rules as no decent bloke would associate with them anyway and other chappies visiting their Space are equally likely to be nongs.]

There will be a quiz on Thursday.

But using said fundamentals of Shed Ettiquite you are providing a Code of Practice best suited to your local authoritive requirements......
example,
AS3500, National plumbing and drainage code of practice,
NSW Code of Practice for plumbing and drainage, a code of practice which overrides the National code of practice to be better suited to local authoritive requirements, ie Sydney Water for the main part and local council requirements, and still however uses the basic fundamentals of the original Code.
So you see, its not about eccentricities at all, but submitting clauses into the Code so they best suit your locality, shed design, shed contents and so on and so forth, as every shed is different.

[Driver]

So we NEED a shortened condensed version that is simple easy and to the point . . . . .

I've only just recovered after originally reading this extract from the Wild Westralian Dingo's recent post. I read it several hours ago and, in the period since, I've had a bit of a lie down and a couple of stiff drinks ..... calmed down my colleagues, who were concerned at my health when they found me lying on the floor with tears streaming down my face, apparently gasping for air ..... and brought my pulse rate back to a less excited level.

However, on mature consideration, I've realised what's been going on. Some bastard who is an extremely skilled plagiarist has managed to overcome Shane and gain control of his computer. He's written this appallingly blatant spoof, brilliantly disguising it so that it looks as if our own Wild Dingo wrote it himself. But he isn't fooling me! No-one who is at all familiar with Shane's posts could ever believe he would want to have a shortened, condensed version of anything.

So come on, ya bastard! What have you done with Wild Dingo. Eh? If you don't release him before the WW Show on the weekend, a mob of wild woodies will descend on the South West and sort you out. Let him go! You're fooling no-one!

[Wild Dingo]

ME??? Im still me ol son... still the same mad buggar Ive always been

I just wanted something the damn galahs an wombats that come visiting the shed CAN and WILL read so they dont transgress the flamin code!!

A bloody great tomb of words especially legaleeze type words will throw them totally for a loop IF they even tried to decypher the thing!! I mean its that long and wordy all techno an contractual that an ant pharting will distract them!!

Such a thing as you SHOULD be aware if you were in fact our ol mate Driver which I for one do not believe is so... and will await stuctural proof of your reality by the way... but you SHOULD be aware that NO BLOKE would even glance sideways at such a document upon entering another blokes shed!! (note the REAL Driver would know this fact) AND no bloke in his right mind expect another bloke who upon visiting said blokes shed would even contemplate asking demanding or beggin said visiting mate by suggesting or demanding them to do so... its just not blokelike!

So in the interests of the furthance of good blokeiness an good shed etiquite I suggest that a new REVISED and DOWNSIZED version of the most salient points of the code be created so that the dumb easily distracted buggars have no bloody excuse not to read it! And hence why I also... IF you had read my posts todate... recommend it be printed on A3 size parchment both laminated and framed and hung in such a place in a blokes shed as to be at eyesocket level (preferably over the BEER fridge or opposite the workbench at eyesocket level this so that NO MATTER WHAT they would HAVE to read it... and being short and to the point its most salient and IMPORTANT points would stick in their minds BEFORE the BEER takes affect!

As you would be aware of my way of doin things IF you were indeed Driver that ol mate of ours whom we smile upon from time to time would KNOW... I am but offering a suggestion in the best of bloke ways that a change or an alternative be created... I have no need for demand or beseachin I simply suggest in my own particular nice, gentle, succinct and slight way is all

But it is me behind these words... I on the other hand doubt it is actually Driver behind your own... I in fact believe that your foily is disfunctional and needs be returned to Neil for a replacement for you are showing that you in fact have been infiltrated by either "chaps" or the dreaded "fellows"... this if proven true will have serious repercussions on our said ol mate Driver when the foily has been replaced for he is going to have some serious explaining to do to the brotherhood of blokes!!

[Ashore]

When the code was being first put together by brother Driver all of the member of this forum being a members of the the best forum on woodworking were asked for their input, this was a long process giving all a chance to add to the collective on what is the code that all sheds should operate under
From the start drother Driver only put all our thoughts together and these grew into the CODE the one document that all woodworkers could live and work by.
BUT NOW in come the OTHERS , those who did not put their responses in when the CODE was being formulated no brothers/sisters those that now try to undermine this great work put together by the ( Now Famous )Brother Driver from the input of the true believers of the CODE to try and soften the edges or elaborate to such a degree that it becomes un usable
Brothers and Sisters unite now the true CODE is the only code rejoice now in its word listen to its message and believe for the truth and the way lies within the code
Oh and no curtains.

[Black Ned]

Dingo - we have a problem.
What is the standard "eyesocket level" for this hanging?
As you would be know, just as there are Dachsunds and Great Danes, there are big blokes and short blokes and blokeses.
We may have to hang a number of signs to cater for the unknown adventurer who may inadvertantly wander in.

Mr Ashore - Are we talking about a Code of Practice or a Bible?
The Bible we are told to believe here-say and written stories of long past accounts. Do not question the word.
The Code of Practice is an ongoing agreed conformity of Rules of Conduct whilst in heaven on earth - THE SHED.

[Wild Dingo]

Brother Ashore tis not in dispute that the fine brothers and sisters became involved and this I know for I was one of them... I have been interested and contributing to the code since its inseption... indeed Im even named on the present codes list of contributors! ... which in and of itself seriously and totally shocked me to my core bein the shy retiring quiet sort of bloke that I am... and thus I do verrily understand and appreciate the efforts gone to by brother Driver and the brotherhood to get the said code of practice to its present level of brilliance

Tis just that some of our brothers and sisters in sheds are kinda short on reading skills when it comes to ginormous books of rules an have no way of fathoming contractual concepts such as our fine brother Driver has laid down in the present code... and yay even if they were capable of understanding the document as it stands they wouldst by their very nature of bein blokes and interested in sheds and the goings on in said sheds would find far to many things to distract them that reading such a fine document would not occur... this then seems a waste of the good brother Driver and the fellowship of brothers and sisters of the hood of the shed time efforts and extrapolation upon all things related to said code of practice

I as a humble brother in shed and owner of an officially sanctioned and signed "good shed" do simply and humbly ask that the code as its presently writen be condenced so that it can cater for all understanding levels within the brother - sisterhood of shed

As to the question of eyesocket level... this would be determined by the owner of said shed in which it wouldst hang... for instance said brother Christopha for example wouldst hang said code at eyesocket level appropriate to him and thus from the rafters he being a tool ...eerrr... ummm... tall sorta bloke ...now on the other hand my own code wouldst hang at his knee level for me being a short wheeled based model of blokehood and thus we can see that each shed bloke wouldst hang at a suitable level for themselves and their bloke mates... Actually it would be rather moot once the said code were printed on the A3 sized parchment for no matter the height one wouldst hang it anyone entering said blokes shed wouldst see the parchment and therefore the code in all its glory... for most wouldst with a document of that size hang it at a level that wouldst be at eyesocket level to them which of course wouldst mean that it wouldst at some point be within the parameters of the middle of the wall of said shed thus anyone entering said shed wouldst or rather couldst not miss said code in all its glory!! This dear bretherin wouldst ONLY be effective if the said code could be SEEN AND READ in its simplest form

Butst dear fellow brothers and sisters of the hood of the shed tis not for mineownself to dictact nor demand such a thing be done but rather to suggest and give reasons for my suggestions... which I now believe has been done.

Tis up to brother Driver to decide since he was the stu... eer... dum... ummm brillaint? anyway the burke who took the time to write up all the code in all its glory so I leave it to him if he wouldst create a splinter code to enable the dum... stu... moro... mmm... unable to read contractual code lingo brother blokes to be conversant with at least the basics of the code of practice of the shed... and thus be not ignorant of the basic of rules regarding a blokes shed


nb... blokes in this context is inclusive of those blokes without the blokey bits that wouldst make them actual blokes but instead due to their being without this dangly blokey bits can only remain "honorary blokes" thus they are likened to those other "honorary blokes" from far flung countries where blokes do not exist and are instead considered "pals" and such... tis only upon their being accepted by the members of the brotherhood of the shed from the great land down under that they become if acceptable "honorary blokes" and thus we can see that both forms of honorary blokes are without blokey bits but are upon acceptance by Aussie blokes as "honorary blokes" and no discussion will be entered into!... we the brotherhood of blokes have spoken! be content to be a "honorary bloke" for without the blokey bits and without the bloke accent you can only be a "honorary bloke"... this is not to be sneezed at nor denigrated nor even considered an insult for it is the highest praise indeed and not given lightly!

You may now get of your knees thank you

[Driver]

First of all, it's clear from the length, prose style and tenor of the foregoing post that Shane the Wild Westralian Dingo has regained control of his computer from the imposter. This is a consummation devoutly to have been wished and we are all delighted that he's back. Onya Shane!

Now then ....

Tis up to brother Driver to decide since he was the stu... eer... dum... ummm brillaint? anyway the burke who took the time to write up all the code in all its glory so I leave it to him if he wouldst create a splinter code

The Code is, of course, not my work but the work of a good many of this esteemed BB's members (including, as he rightly says, the aforementioned Wild Westralian Dingo). My role was merely to edit their efforts. However, I believe that Shane has a point. A short statement of some sort,displayed prominently in the shed is a good idea. How about this:

Para 5.7 of The Code deals with warning signs. I reckon that an addition to the recommended warning sign about machinery and shoulder-tapping should read:

"Notice: Anyone entering this shed is subject to The Code of Practice."

Blokes will understand this instinctively and will behave in an appropriate manner. Non-blokes (a category that includes chaps, SWMBOS and the rest of humanity) will be puzzled by the reference and will ask "What Code of Practice?" This will immediately identify them as non-blokes and thus allow the shed bloke to be on his guard and to take appropriate shed-defending action. What this action might be is up to the said bloke, of course, and will be determined by the exigencies of the specific situation.

be content to be a "honorary bloke" for without the blokey bits and without the bloke accent you can only be a "honorary bloke"... this is not to be sneezed at nor denigrated nor even considered an insult for it is the highest praise indeed and not given lightly!

As to the status of "honorary bloke" - Shane has hit the nail unerringly upon the scone - as I am sure that honorary blokes like Wendy and Bob Childress will appreciate.

Col

(An update to The Code, to include the issue re warning signs, is in preparation and will be available shortly).