The Code of Practice

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Post 326, page 22. Version 7 Feb'07

Ah... so I'm current then. [Phew!] (That's the Jun 06 version)

Where has the time gone?

[Driver]

Is there any differences allowed to distinguish between a Blokes Shed and a Sheila's Shed?
Can sheila's have a official shed?
If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.

Linden

You've posed quite an interesting series of problems, mate.

Y'see, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, then you wouldn't be in any doubt as to Wendy and Bob's joint and several blokeliness.

Equally, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, or even if you had merely read the last several postings, you'd be aware that the expression "Blokey" is, in and of itself, unblokely.

On the other hand, if you had followed the evolution of the Code as it has evolved, you could be accused of having read the bloody thing in detail - in itself almost a Code violation.

So, the dilemma is: have you actually, by having a go at a couple of blokes, to whit: Wendy and Bob, and by using a SWMBO expression (ie, "Blokey") stepped across the line, or should we ignore these appalling transgressions and let your post go through to the keeper?

Whaddaya think, girls?

Col the Concerned.

[wonderplumb]

My shed has, amongst all the various car, motorcycle parts, fishing gear, camping gear, rifle safe, reloading gear, skins, skulls, tools, various bits and pieces ive collected and hung on the wall, parts cleaner, compressor, sink, toilet, WELL stocked fridge, etc. etc. a male dunny man on the door walking in and a female dunny girl on the door on the way out, with a sign that states "By invite only".

[Honorary Bloke]

If all things must be Blokey, then is Wendy classified as a sheila, or an honorary bloke?
And is Bob Childress a sheila posing as a bloke.

I'll let this pass--just the once.

[smitthhyy]

An excellent job creating a code for many blokes sheds today and into the future.

Can I suggest a definition be added regarding "thongs". The intent should be for our international associates to not miss-understand what a thong is in Australia. For example using the US definition, wearing the thong could be a concern if worn and would probably not be seen as blokely.

[Wild Dingo]

My shed has, ... a male dunny man on the door walking in and a female dunny girl on the door on the way out, with a sign that states "By invite only".

Id like to see that!!

mmmmm so Im gonna have to go back and look for the damned code?... Rats and buggarbums! time for another slurp of the good oil before me brain zions zap emselves stupid an me eyesockets begin to bleed reading back through all those posts to find the friggin thing!!

30 pages??? nah this thread ISNT the code the code is more definitive than this thread which is confusing and consistantly hijacked by suggestive red leatherette wearin "blokeys" which of itself is no doubt a violition of the code since were meant to be blokes its just not on wearin red leatherette!! and yet that blokey one continues to express the intent nay the contemptuous intent to leave those CURTAINS up over their shed windows!! A CLEAR VIOLATION!... the main problem I see with enforcing the code violation punishment is the fact that since such code violation punishment would require a cadre of brethren attending the offendees shed and taking down the offending CURTAINS and hanging the offendee by the gronicles from the roof trusses... unfortunately since the offendee is a blokey sort of non bloke they unfortunately do not have bloke bits to hang them from... thus we are in a state of conundrum with what to do by way of punishment for crimes against the code the offendee

It is a problem that must be remedied and thus included within the code to send a clear and present warning to other "blokey" ones that curtains will not be tollerated in a blokes shed... red leatherette does not a bloke make!!

As for Bob being a blokey type of bloke I have it on good authority that he is indeed a bloke by way of having those blokey bits earlier spoke of and thus being able to accept and face the punishment if he indeed were to violate the code by hanging curtains in his shed... whereas Ruffly is NOT a bloke but rather a "blokey" type person

As for the code not discriminating by word usage the differences between a blokes shed and a sheilas shed unfortunately by virtue of this being the Politically Correct era of the year 2007 and not the wonderously non politically correct era of the 1950s through to 1980s during which era a BLOKE was a BLOKE and a SHEILA was a SHEILA and no variance betwixt or between was tollerated... a bloke had the shed the sheila the house... and thus Wendy being a sheila would in fact NOT have a shed but her boofheaded spanner nut of a hubby would have the shed and she being a sheila would have the house... thus the right order of things

but now... now... we blokes have been degronicled to such an extent that now its not politically correct to have a blokes shed it must be a unisex shed... or as has been stated elsewhere a blokes shed and a "blokey" shed so in fact the code itself is in violation of the code!! thus this entire code thread could be seen as being in violition of the code itself by its very nature its contradictory consilitary politically correct and not by its nature done in a BLOKE type of way.

So as a bloke who has a blokes shed I ask beseech an implore all brethren and sisteren to control thine emotions and stick to the facts! A blokes shed is his domain a sheilas shed is the house where of course everything goes other than the blokes gear in his blokes shed

signed brother Dingo


stated like a true child of my time and showing my age brilliantly just out for a bit of fishing I am

[Cliff Rogers]

....could be accused of having read the bloody thing in detail - in itself almost a Code violation......

A bit like the line on the last page of Neil's Polisher's Handbook... I found it after I had read the whole book.

....should we ignore these appalling transgressions and let your post go through to the keeper?

Get that one will ya Gillie... Linden has 2 left feet, when one isn't in his mouth, the other one is.

....Whaddaya think, girls?

Is that why you call me Ginge?

[Wild Dingo]

Okay what I am gonna do cause yous buggars wont is to try my hand at condensing that 30 page code of practice to something a bloke might actually read.

So Im thinking something like this

The Shed
Code of Practice

1) ITS MY SHED

2) If you dont like it PHISS OFF

3) I will do what I want in MY SHED

4) You as a visitor will ONLY do as I say when I say while in MY SHED

5) No visitor no matter their relative relationship to me will dictate to me in MY SHED

6) Enter MY SHED only if you intend to DO SOMETHING

7) ASK BEFORE YOU PHART or do anything in MY SHED

8) If you intend to enter MY SHED you will put beer in the shed fridge FIRST

9) No frilly knickers curtains skirts or sheila type things will be allowed in MY SHED

10) Stand outside MY SHED until I notice you do not disturb burp phart yell scream knock or otherwise try to get my attention, EVENTUALLY I will notice you.

11) There is NO SUCH thing as an emergency outside of MY SHED while I am in said Shed, IF you have a problem deal with it I AM UNAVAILABLE until I leave shut and lock the shed door.

12) See 1 above

Anyone else want to try to make a condenced version of the 30 page code that may be more pc than the above is welcome to have at it.

Im really starting to think we might just be able to design and impliment a MY SHED Code of Practice that we can submit to the University of Shed Studies and thus can be utilized and in every shed in the land! But we must get it to such a degree of understanding that any bloke or blokey type can read it and understand its simple message without having eye bleeds nose runs brain pharts or just plain waste away from dehydration and starvation while reading the sodding tomb!!

[RufflyRustic]

Geeez - where's that big sheet of bubble wrap I put aside for the windows (and then lost track of where it went)

[journeyman Mick]

Shane,
This isn't like you! I thought you'd be taking the 30 pages of the code and rewriting them in your inimitable style so it becomes a 75 page code.

Mick

[Wild Dingo]

Shane,
This isn't like you! I thought you'd be taking the 30 pages of the code and rewriting them in your inimitable style so it becomes a 75 page code.

Mick

Well I must admit I did try.. gave it my best too I did... in fact Im yet to go to bed its been so trying... but so far Ive only managed to boot it out to 140 pages so Im still working on it... dont worry I'll sort it I know I was trying to reduce the pages but theres just so much legalize you have to include in such a profound document that I find it impossible

sigh... Wendy Wendy Wendy You do realize that Im simply taking the phiss outta you dont you? I mean your a sheila!! (an a pretty sparkly good lookin one by the way... stay outta this boofhead ahem sorry about that hes okay Wendy must be since hes with you eh!! ) For cripes sake WE ALL KNOW sheilas are weird creatures even those sheilas like your own good self ... and weirds good no wukkers me dear!! You want curtains? You go right ahead and have curtains... heck you want pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet in your shed you have pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet... it is after all

YOUR SHED!

And as such there can be no code violation!! YOU are the master or is that mistress? of your shed

Me I wouldnt have curtains but then nor would I have pretty nipple pink shag pile carpet in me shed... but then Im a bloke an us blokes are like that Unless your names Bwuthey of course then the mere existance of a Bwuthy in a BLOKES shed is a code violation... but then a Bwuthy type "blokey" person would feel more at ease and at home in a sheilas shed than a blokes shed anyways so...

Its all good

has my leg vacated me gob yet??

[RufflyRustic]

[Wild Dingo]

That just proves my point made elsewhere... sheilas are evil

[wonderplumb]

A shed's Code of Practice is determined and laid down by the Owner of afore-mentioned shed. The Owner of such a shed shall gain the wisdom and gather information on acceptible solutions, which shall be included in said Code of Practice, from years of reconnaisance missions to the "Old Mans Shed", where he would have gained valuable knowledge through listening to otherwise secret conversations via a partially opened door or an old bullet hole through the iron sheeting on the walls.
Information may also be taken in snippets, without arousing suspicion, from a mates Shed, a mate who was fortunate enough to own a shed before yourself.
You may also take into account things you have seen in various other Sheds on your journeys around the countryside.
Upon aquiring your own Shed, the Shed shall be personalised to your own tastes.
You shall draw up your own Code of Practice, which may be displayed or you may take it for granted that any Shed-worthy people you happen to invite into mentioned Shed will posess enough common-sense, and know the Owner of the Shed well enough to respect such formalities.

Summary..................

The Owner of the Shed shall posess the authority to formulate His own Code of Practice, using the basic fundamentals of Shed ettiquite.
Anyone fortunate enough to visit the Shed, shall comply to the Code of Practice at all times, lest the resultant consequences be decided by the Owner of the Shed.
Any visitor shall replace what he drinks, unless specified said drinks are repayment for a favour, the price of which shall be agreed upon between the two parties.

In short............
Its my shed, my rules, dont like it, f##k off!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cliff Rogers]

A shed's Code of Practice is determined and laid down by the Owner of afore-mentioned shed. ...
In short............
Its my shed, my rules, dont like it, f##k off!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, now... have you read the code?

I draw your attention to this section....

4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

You don't sound very happy.... is somebody violating your code?