Hell Explained

[bumnut]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so profound it earned him an A+

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most students wrotr proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some varient.

One student wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets into Hell it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase untill all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop untill Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept hte postulate given to me by Teressa during my Freshman year that, "It will be cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct...... leaving only Heaven, thus proving the existence of a devine being which explaines why, last night, Teressa kept shouting "Oh my God."

[Clinton1]

heard it before, but it still makes me smile!

[fred.n]

Definitely worth an A+

[Terry B]

I thought it went like this.

Ah hello! It's nice to see you all here. As the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now, this is Hell, and I am the Devil, good evening, but you can call me Toby, if you like. We try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal. That's just a little joke of mine. I tell it every time.
Now, you're all here for..... Eternity! Ooh, which I hardly need tell you is a heck of a long time, so you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end.
But for now I'm going to have to split you up in groups.

Will You Stop Screaming!
Thank you.
Now, murderers? Murderers over here, please, thank you. Looters and Pillagers over there. Thieves, if you could join them, and Lawyers, you're in that lot too.
Fornicators - if you could step forward? My God, there are a lot of you! Could I split you up into Adulterers and the rest? Male adulterers, if you could just form a line in front of that small Guillotine in the corner.
Em... The French, are you here? If you would just like to come down here with the Germans. I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about.
Okay, atheists? Atheists over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of Nitwits. Never mind.
And finally, Christians. Christians? Ah, yes, I'm sorry but I'm afraid the Jews were right. If you would come down here, that would be really fine.
Okay! Right, well are there any questions? Yes. No, I'm afraid there aren't any toilets. If you read your Bible, you might have seen that it was damnation without relief, so if you did not go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much, but then I believe that's the idea.
Okay. Well, it's over to you, Adolf! And I'll catch you all later at the barbecue. Bye!

[ss_11000]

I like that first one.