Answers

[Baz]

Smart-ass Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-ass Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."

Smart-ass Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop
finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart-ass Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads 'Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."


and finally Smart-ass #5

THE TEACHER Smart-ass Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or
a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.When
silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her
head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand."

_____

[Iain]

This is fair dinkum, got pulled over for speeding when I was about 18, driving a beetle ( this was late 1960's).
What is your excuse for speeding, its 5 to 12 says I, and if I'm not home by midnight my VW turns back into a pumpkin.
Clip around ear and sent on way.

[Kev Y.]

Iain, do you honestly expect those who know you to believe you could actauly fold yourself into a VW.....????

[RETIRED]

We were all slimmer then.

[Iain]

How true , how true