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Thread: 42.....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,238

    Default 42.....

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.





    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
    once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.




    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . having a driver licence.
    At age 35 success is . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . having money.
    At age 70 success is . .. . having a driver licence.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . .. . not piddling in your pants.
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Minbun, FNQ, Australia
    Age
    66
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Iain View Post
    ... No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats......
    My brother managed to drown 3 of Grandmas kittens while he was trying to give them a drink.
    Cliff.
    If you find a post of mine that is missing a pic that you'd like to see, let me know & I'll see if I can find a copy.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    78
    Posts
    1,332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cliff Rogers View Post
    My brother managed to drown 3 of Grandmas kittens while he was trying to give them a drink.
    Now that's talent.
    Visit my website
    Website
    Facebook

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Pakenham, outer Melb SE suburb, Vic
    Age
    55
    Posts
    549

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AlexS View Post
    Now that's talent.


    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Garvoc VIC AUSTRALIA
    Posts
    3,208

    Default

    Ok Cliff well done

    Now for the encore


    try 69
    Regards, Bob Thomas

    www.wombatsawmill.com

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