Rules for Christmas

[derekcohen]

I thought that I would get in early and wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a safe New Year.


I couldn't resist showing this off (not mine - damn, I want one!).

And lastly, a copy of an email sent to me today by my wife (guess who has too much time on her hands?):

Subject: RULES FOR HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door: they're serving rum balls!

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season; Swell Solstice, Happy Hanukah, Kool Kwanzaa, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thank you for a year of comaradarie and friendship one and all.

Best regards from Perth

Derek

[kats1719]

And a very Merry Christmas to you Derek. Thanks for the great tips for hand plains

[Doughboy]

Yes I must agree with you. Carrot sticks are not high on my must have list, about as high as a cucumber sanga.

A mate and I were on our way to a friends wedding about to go into the driveway of his dad's farm and another mate was on his way out. All we saw was a frown on his face as he sped away past us. On we travelled and found a suitable parking space with easy getaway access. In to the large tent we go and there is nort but champagne and cucumber sangas. Outside we go heading for the car only to get the phonecall from the mate we passed on the way in. He was about to get a few slabs of beer and as many pies as he could find, wanted to know if we were interested. HELL YEAH!!!!!

So the lesson be ...... stay away from carrot sticks and cucumber sangas.

Pete

[Glenn_M]

That's what I like about this place - always plenty of good practical advice

Best of the Season to one and all.

Glenn

[bsrlee]

Obviously you lot haven't had any of MY carrot sticks. Pickled in concentrated vinegar, garlic & chilli, plus a few other 'secret' ingredients, then left to mature for a few months. Its all in the technique - stuff up & its BLEAARRGGH.

As for Cucumber, Gutted & sliced into thin sticks, quick pickled in salt, drained & immersed in Soy, Sesame oil & sugar for a few hours. Be quick, they won't last, but watch out for the mug who skulls the sauce, specially if he/she mixes in Wasabe. And paper napkins. (I wasn't there, but I know people who were, and they still have psycological scars to prove it )

[ian]

I want one too


Merry Christmas everyone

ian

[Ashore]

Yeah its ok but still needs a bit more christmassy decos , its still just a tad plane

[soundman]

Swmbo is baking the special chocolate cake for the rumballs as we speak..... no wheatbicks in my rumballs.
I have some cherries that have been soaking in bundy for 12 months to go inside the rocket rum balls...... bite....squirt:eek: ... surprise

cheers

[Landseka]

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


Derek

Where have I seen that quote before?

[Poppa]

I love that plane.

And ditto to the Christmas greetings to all. This is the first Christmas I'm celebrating as a woodworker (novice grade), and this community has been a real find. I've enjoyed reading thousands of your posts and felt the camaraderie that pervades this place.

Peace be with you all and as much happiness as your lives will allow.

Edit: I've just printed the picture of the plane a few times and put the small images on our Christmas tree - they look great!

[journeyman Mick]

Poppa,
any chance of a pic of your plane-decorated Christmas tree?

Mick