Where do pencils go?

[Andy Mac]

Truly a timeless thread, because there are few certainties in life, but losing your pencil, when needed most, is a definite.
Despite some worthy and adventurous theories, I think Carry Pine is close to the truth, that a form of gremlin runs about the workshop. For fun they move things about, like safety glasses and wing nuts, but pencils are different. I have found clusters of them tucked away in dark, inaccessible corners of the workshop, and it is my considered opinion they (the shed gremlins) are nesting. Pencils seem to be their favoured nesting material, not unlike the car gremlin, which nests in a torus of Biros (that dozen or so you "lost" in the glovebox), usually found under the back seat.

Cheers

[powderpost]

I am thoroughly sick of pencils dissapearing, so I snuck very quietly down to the shed, after doing what us older folk have to do at about 3.00am. And there they were, caught red handed. I grabbed one of the little sods, geez are they slippery and threatened to soak his lead in turps if he didn't tell me what was going on, it worked. The pencils are shipped to Japan to be used by Japanesed gremlins. What do they do with the pencils????? Have a look here........
http://www.infofreako.com/jad/enpitsu-e.html
Jim

[RufflyRustic]

Your pencils are all out having a good time with my engineers chalk

Bondy

The engineers' chalk has somehow come to stay at my place. I seem to have a growing collection of it and most of it seems to come out of the washing machine :confused: :confused:


cheers
Wendy

[Oregon_Mike]

It's the not the pencils you have to worry about...it's the gum erasers!
They have wings......
How many times have I laid a gum eraser on the table and saw it go flying across the floor?

[AlexS]

When I worked in PNG the locals often used to put a pencil in their hair in the same way we'd stick one behind our ear. I often wondered how many pencils were lost there forever.

[Flowboy]

Does the pencil/sock interaction have any positive benefit? Like the cats with slices of toast and Vegemite tied to their backs? This was suggested as a cheap form of keeping trains/ trucks moving at menial cost. Both the cats and the toast have a preference for landing in a particular manner, hence, they constantly rotate, keeping an eqiulirium in effect. All that is needed is positive force to move anything attached to the cat/veg device forward or back.

[Bleedin Thumb]

Powderpost, those pencil carvers of Japan must be extemely small (gremlins) or have bloody good eye sight!

[Flowboy]

Clever too, Mr thumb, they've already mapped the DNA for at least one pencil type. (see the double spiral)

[czk]

just browsing another thread https://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?t=38845

and came across the answer to where at least some pencils are going!

[Purpleheart]

My missus says this is just another example of what she calls "Male Blindness".

Its a males inability to find whatever they are looking for.

I think we are born with it.

I hate to admit it, but she is right.

I can loose anything just about anywhere, spend ages looking for it, get all off, and when she askes whats up (or what I've lost) she just goes and finds it straight away. Yet I get in trouble if I ask for help too soon, as then I might be judged as not having tried hard enough to find it first. (Go figure)

Hmm, maybe the women and the gremlins are working together to undermine our sanity............

[Wild Dingo]

Now how come its taken me so long to find this thread? What a bobby dazzler!

Now firstly I want to back up a bit to our young nipperoo young Joash... listen young fella when yerve been around the block a few years you may comment on missing pencils and the importance of continued discourse regarding thise mysterious occurance in the shed alright?... not having a go at your wee youthfullness but its plain that from your comments you still have that protective troll figure stuck to the end of your pencil and are therefore covered under the troll figure code of practice ergo your still too young to be let out on your own so in order that you dont become totally phissed of from the continual and persistant deviation from your known order of things the troll figure stays with you... unfortunately us older fellas an sheilas have graduated well past that stage and are now well and truely forever on the trolls "getchapen anhideit" list... but worry not my young nipperoo friend your day too is coming just as ours did so enjoy your youth knowing that when you go to the shed the pencils will be where you left them... its your trolls duty you know! unfortuately nowadays the poor troll has become confused and abused since his name is so often used on the internet not to describe him but for other reasons... but he knows his duty and will stand by you... at least until you leave home cause its about then that he will take his orders from a higher command and you also will fall under the control of "DAMNIT!! Ive lost the damned pen keys milk rent child whatever!"

now as to the thread... what a wonderous thing it is to be passing all these fine theories back and forth

Seriously though surely you all jest? I mean its a well known fact that the pencils are just bits of wood and lead... UNTIL they enter the shed!! Then they become agents of the ones who cannot be named who are in control of the tinfoil hats and jocks... these same ones who cannot be named are the instigators of the lost keys milk child whatever that occurs elsewhere... the whole process is designed as a test to see if we have evolved enough to be taken back to the ones who cannot be named home planet

Now as a ridgey didge tinfoil hat an jock wearing card carrying knower of the ones who cannot be named intents I will tell you that It works thus... dont worry I have my tinfoil hat an jocks on so Im safe and wendys safe since shes wearin her red leather outfit and its a well known fact that the ones who cannot be named are totally frozen by red leather but Id advise even her to get at least a tinfoil hat on as its also well known that their frozen state at the sight of red leather only lasts for a few seconds and its better to be safe than sorry... okay on with tinfoil hats an jocks yes ashore you may wear the tinfoil socks if you must finikey buggar eh?

Anyways its like this... Once a pencil arrives in the shed the ones who cannot be named contact them with the gamma nitronproton ray which as everyone knows is the ray that can turn inanimate items into animate items... now once they have contacted said pencils (this will ALWAYS be when you are not looking as the time is "not yet" but still you must not be made aware of their presence... they are taken up to the mother ship under cover of darkness to be used in the interrogation process of other human lifeforms they have taken to assess and interogate... pencils being seen by human lifeforms as rather inanimate and insygnificat objects it was deemed at the last high council of the huropa galaxy that only pencils could interrogate human lifeforms as they can garner more information an assess them without instilling the fear of the unknown almighty one that some human lifeforms think rules the universe but the ones who cannot be named knows doesnt cause they do... so the humble pencil is given this role

Now you wouldnt think it but those insygnificant wood and lead sticks we draw our lines with on wood are power hungry evil basturds!! Seriously some of the things they do to captive human lifeforms should never leave the realms of imagination but they reside in reality on the mother ship! entering orifices of human lifeforms that were never designed to have a pencil entering them and yes the human lifeform will give all they have within them to get the sodding pencil out!!! often the pencil remains firmly embedded and must be extracted by surgical means of which means the ones who cannot be named are truely the universes sole exponents of... surgury as we know it down here is archaic almost perhistoric by comparison!

Now back to the pencils duties in the shed... and this is the cruel twist purpetrated upon MANkind by the ones who cannot be named... women and feminine gay men who were mistaken for women by the ones who cannot be named fair mistake given they have no sexual gender themselves but rather being able to chop an change at will... they women and feminine gay men are actually slaves of the ones who cannot be named!!

Sorry to out you like this Wendy!! but there you have it... women an feminine gay men are programmed to KNOW where those lost pencils pens keys wallet child are because and heres the real twist... the pencils tell them! Pencils being of a superior lifeform are actually in control of the women and feminine gay men of the world... no seriously!! THEY ARE!!!

sigh... since Ive gone this far I will put on my tinfoil shirt and duds and tell you the rest

Now some of us have been "married" to the women of the world (if your a manish gay man then your feminine gay partner) but this is the worst twist the ones who cannot be named have concocted... their allegiance and love is THE PENCIL!!! :eek: seriously!! I know many of you wont believe a word of this and honestly? thats okay but I know its true!! the pencils rule the women and feminine gay men and the women and feminine gay men love the pencil... its true! In the fullness of time you will sit and say "why didnt I listen to the prophet of the Ubeaut WWF?" but by then it will be too late

The pencils we men "loose" are hiding waiting and controlling our women (and feminine gay men) and soon... yes soon!! The ones who cannot be named will appear and then...

THEN!!!

all those "lost" pencils keys milk bread wood whatever! Will raise up with one voice and the women we have "married" and sired will also raise up AND THEN WERE RIGHTLY BUGGARED!!... and thats why

A man in his shed must always nay not sometimes not rarely not occasionally but ALWAYS! were their tinfoil hat and jocks! its protection see? no not as some foolish human lifeforms believe to block their brain sucking machine... although it will help but no its to stop the pencils from recognizing us men!! the sheilas will be in terror if the pencils cant find us for their leaders when the mother ship arrives and they in turn will instill fear in the women (and feminine gay men of course! ) who in turn cause they will be able to see us will be all a tither as they try to bring them all out into the open.., the ones who cannot be named will be gammazamma raying them all over the shop all the while the sheilas will be trying to get their beloved pencils uncovered!

This is as was told me by the ones who cannot be named when they took me to the outter galaxy several years ago... it was an interesting journey for I had to pretend to be a sheila while the trip was in progress I had considered pretending to be a pencil since Id lost one that very arvo but figured that that would be just too damned hard to keep up... so I chose to pretend to be a sheila... I enured myself into the confidence of his/her/its excellency the high cattchatorie himself and over some fine outter jupiter pale ale which bein as hes actually a drinker of that dogsturd uranus plonk got totally 10 legged phissed within a nanosecond and let me into his/her/its confidence... some of the things they have planned :eek: but I dare not tell you for fear of the reprisal of the ruler and square who are also secretly under their control

I survived... but only because I wore my supadupa extra thick padded tinfoil jocks at the time... without them... well I shudder at the thought! :eek:

So there you go! The pencils are agents of the ones who cannot be named who upon the appointed time will arrive for a full accounting from the pencils the sheilas who are their slaves... which is why!!! I gotta tell you this just to rest your minds about this man worrying thing... which is why sheilas are the ones who like to do the lordy arent you a dumbass trick and find the flamin things we loose so fast!!! ITS A CONSPIRACY of the evilest vilest kind...

Okay you can take your tinfoil hats and jocks off now yes ashore you can take your tinfoil socks off too mate... oh and Wendy? you can leave the red leather outfit on!!

and nary a word of a lie was spoken

That was said to confuse the ones who cannot be named since they monitor the computer whos also a part of their darstardly plot!

[Honorary Bloke]

Dingo! Crikey! Are you sure that kickback wood that flew out of your shed didn't glance off your head in passing??

And speaking of plonk . . . how many? :eek:

You are seriously weird, which is what makes you so, so, um so, well, you know.

[Flowboy]

I must stress the problem created by the Japanese gremlins having mapped the pencicular DNA. If these GM (Gremlin Modified) pencils come in contact with the wild population, we may never be able to measure or write in English again!! And what about the sock/pencil interaction, what will happen when all socks return to point of origin. And worst of all, what about all the tinfoil manufacturers who will lose business as people realise that skull and genital covers are no longer necessay because females and gays of the Homo sapiens group will lose the ability to communicate with pencils and those who can't be named (like Prince) retreat to regroup?

Beware my friends, these GM pencil crops must be kept out of the wild stock!!!!

In angst,

Rob

[RufflyRustic]

.............
Sorry to out you like this Wendy!! but there you have it... women an feminine gay men are programmed to KNOW where those lost pencils pens keys wallet child are because and heres the real twist... the pencils tell them! ......

Drat!!!! Foiled again!!!!! :eek: OK so I always know where HWMBO left whatever he is looking for - but it's only in the house - Honest!!! Not in his shed!!!

[lesmeyer]

Shane,
it may just be possible that you could give JK Rowlings a run for her money
Regards
Les