Kids are funny

[Neo]

KIDS
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mum! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the tomato sauce to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mummy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the local swimming baths and found himself in the women's changing rooms. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter - haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "can you tie my shoe?"

POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Wazza, was barking, and saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly house-bound people, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mum, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's knickers!"


And here's a deadset fair dinkum one that happened the other night!!

Abbey and Mum's boobs
SWMBO was crook for a couple of days last week and one night after dinner she came and sat on my lap for a snuggle because she was feeling so awful. Her bra was annoying her so I undid it at the back (I used to be able to undo them with one hand but I'm very much out of practice these days), slipped the straps down her arms and pulled the bra out from under her jumper. I then flipped the bra over her back as I replaced my arms around her and resumed the healing cuddle.
Shortly later The Abster (3) comes up and says, 'Mum, why do you have your boobies on backwards?'

Cheers all

Pat

[waco]

Great Laugh, A kids innocent comments often take a lot to beat.

[silentC]

My wife asked our 6 year old neice what she wanted to be when she grows up. Joanna replied with a "what a dumb question" look - "an adult".

My 4yo daughter Alicia (that's her on the left) told me the other night that when she grows up, she's going to be a boy. I said "no, you're going to be a woman" she started crying and said "no, I want to be a boy".

This has got us a little bit worried but not as worried as a friend whose 2yo son has taken to wearing Alicia's shoes (lovely black patent leather with large pink flowers) and throws hysterical fits when we take them off him. He also loves playing with her Barbie dolls and prefers the colour pink.

Honestly, if you're lacking a bit of entertainment in your life, have kids!!

[Iain]

When I was about 5 I had a dummy spit because I wasn't allowed to have lipstick, dad told me I could wear it when I turned 21.
I always had a vague recollection of that but the old man bought me one for my 21st.
I will be the easiest one to spot at Melbourne WWW this year, but I never kiss on a first date even if I am as pretty as Neil, Stoppers and !