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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Blue Mountains, NSW
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    Default Letter of Explanation to ones Commanding Officer

    Subject: Letter of Explanation to ones Commanding Officer


    Makes one so proud to read the truth



    Letter to his CO from a Captain answering his CO's "Request for further
    information."

    Sir,

    In your icy, indeed hostile, telephone call of yesterday, you requested
    a report about the alleged proceedings involving my soldiers. As the
    reports from the local authorities and the head of the Australian
    legation were undoubtedly a complete fabrication, I welcome the
    opportunity to put the truth of the matter forward. .

    Your kind offer to "buy a round of drinks" for the troops at the end
    of the deployment was taken and the CSM ensured that appropriate
    quantities of libation and food were purchased against your credit card
    , with festivities being held in my hotel suite. An enjoyable evening
    ensued but insufficient supplies had been obtained, so several members
    of the company left for further purchases at a local bar.

    In a truly magnanimous gesture, ten bar girls from that establishment
    helped carry the beer back to the hotel. To demonstrate our
    appreciation of their assistance, we served them some cool drink. They
    then offered to show us some local culture, and, in order not to
    offend, we allowed them to dance.

    The banging on the walls of my room had, by now, quite honestly, become
    invasive, and it was disturbing the dancers, so we arranged an amusing
    little deterrent. LT Brown's impersonation of a Police Officer was
    quite clever as he goose-stepped to each room and harangued the
    occupants with a very witty diatribe about disturbing hotel guests. I
    personally heard nothing of his alleged threats to life or limb in as
    claimed by the sister of the local Police Chief whose room was,
    unluckily, next door.

    I suspect that this woman was the sneak who called security and hotel
    management but I absolutely refute that the shout "Stand To, enemy
    approaching!" was made. The simple coincidence of security arriving
    just as we stood the double bed on its side across the door to make the
    dance floor bigger is obvious. The major damage to the room occurred
    when a group of gatecrashers, whom we could not know were hotel
    security, forced their way in just as most of us happened to be leaning
    against the bed watching the dancing.

    The subsequent events in the foyer of the hotel are an equally vicious
    distortion of the facts. I was explaining the importance of the post
    activity celebrations to the General Manager of the hotel, and stating
    that other guests were obviously fabricating their stories of the noise
    and drinking, when CPL Smith and several others from HQ Coy (in keeping
    with their pursuit of physical fitness) organised the race up the drapes
    which hang along the foyer wall. It says little for the workmanship that
    the fittings were torn from the wall before most of the company was
    even halfway up.

    At this stage SGT Williams, our Orderley Room SGT attempted to rescue
    the situation with her depth of knowledge of local culture. Her
    rendition of the Fertility Dancing Maiden in the foyer's 'Pool of
    Remembrance' was nothing short of breathtaking. Normally this dance is
    performed wearing just a sarong skirt but SGT Williams' extra step to "
    Au Natural" was a bold step forward. Unfortunately, during one
    intricate step, SGT Williams slipped and fell beneath the fountain, but
    we were lucky that SSGT Johnson had the great presence of mind to strip
    to avoid getting his uniform wet, leapt in to help.

    The tiles of the pool were very slippery and it took nearly ten minutes
    of threshing about before he could actually complete his rescue. Such
    concern was there for these two exemplary member's safety, that the
    many of company jumped in to assist, and I deny that this massed rescue
    attempt could be construed as a 'Water Polo' game!

    Order had nearly been restored when the fire started. I prefer CPL
    White's version of events that the drapes had caught fire from being
    against a light fitting, and that he dropped his cigarette lighter
    whilst trying to escape the flames. Had hotel management fulfilled
    their responsibilities and used fire retardant material instead of
    velvet, the fire would not have spread to the rest of the hotel.

    The responsible attitude shown by my soldiers in assisting the bar
    staff to carry out drinks from the cocktail party is to be commended,
    not condemned, and the attempt by many male members to extinguish
    pockets of fire using natural means has been totally misrepresented in
    some quarters.

    I made an official protest about these matters when the head of the
    Australian Legation visited us at the Police Station the next morning.
    However, not only did Ambassador Downey not attempt to refute the
    preposterous allegations made against me and my soldiers crew, but also
    failed to secure our release immediately.

    I trust that now I have outlined the correct version of events, we may
    allow ourselves a discreet smile as to the lack of social
    sophistication of some of these developing nations and put all this
    behind us. In my opinion my soldiers behaved in accordance with the
    finest Australian Army traditions.

    John Straskye

    "the bitterness of poor quality is remembered long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Melbourne
    Age
    65
    Posts
    4,239

    Default

    Y'know, I've written a few of those!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    killcare nsw
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Hello John Straskye

    Give me a call, I'm not sure if this message will reach you but please email me if successful through my profile.
    Rod

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    .
    Posts
    4,816

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rodrobey12
    Hello John Straskye

    Give me a call, I'm not sure if this message will reach you but please email me if successful.
    Rod
    Sorry the lonely hearts club is down the corridore second on the left.

    Al

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Posts
    268

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Groggy
    Y'know, I've written a few of those!
    same here - bought back some memories!

    Something about the swimming pool at the Cunawarra Military base in Darwin, and the XO of the base taking some exception to how a bunch of naval officers were treating the establishment......
    "Clear, Ease Springs"
    www.Stu's Shed.com


  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Burnett Heads, QLD
    Age
    65
    Posts
    305

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rodrobey12
    Hello John Straskye

    Give me a call, I'm not sure if this message will reach you but please email me if successful through my profile.
    Rod
    And this weeks award for the most creative way to bump up an old thread goes to ............. (drum roll)................. ROD ROBEY!!!!!!!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Posts
    268

    Default

    Not that old a thread - 3 weeks hardly rates as 'old'. Last year (or earlier), now they are resurrecting the dead.
    "Clear, Ease Springs"
    www.Stu's Shed.com


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