Men are from Mars ...

[Grunt]

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of these emails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.


THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4."Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Assh@le.

(Gary)

Bitch!

(Rebecca)

F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[doug the slug]

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth, deal with it!!!!!!

[silentC]

Are you sure? I reckon my wife is from the planet Looney Tune in the galaxy Nut bar.

[Grunt]

Darren, that's amazing, my wife is from there too. Small galaxy.

[Iain]

What concerns me is that there does not appear to be any female Vogons:confused:

[Auld Bassoon]

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth, deal with it!!!!!!

Perhaps, but we are from the 20th Century (don't think anyone here was born this Century!), but they :eek: are from the Dark Ages

Runs for cover from the heathen hordes

[himzol]

Darren, that's amazing, my wife is from there too. Small galaxy.

Indeed !

[Cliff Rogers]

... I reckon my wife is from the planet Looney Tune in the galaxy Nut bar.

That's where my first one came from; I haven't found the label on the 2nd one to work out where's she came from BUT... I'm still looking.

[Kev Y.]

Cliff.. no fair, With a comment like that there are at least 5 responses that spring to mind.. but I am not game enough to print them here:eek: :eek:

[Ashore]

Cliff.. no fair, With a comment like that there are at least 5 responses that spring to mind.. but I am not game enough to print them here:eek: :eek:

Why brudda do you think he may be doing more than playing tag :confused:

[RETIRED]

MMMMMM, very prudent Brudda.

[Bob Willson]

What concerns me is that there does not appear to be any female Vogons:confused:

They are all either at home in the kitchen, or waiting in the bedroom - where they belong!!!

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

How do you tell the difference? I mean, who'd want to get close enough to check, anyway?

[JDarvall]

They are all either at home in the kitchen, or waiting in the bedroom - where they belong!!!

:eek: Jesssus !....you can't say that !....not nowdays anyway, right ?

Dead man walking with words like that ..... ...WHATS THAT ?!.....YES, RIGHT AWAY, COMING DEAR !

[Bob Willson]

These ARE Vogons we are talking about. They are so utterly repulsive that they have to wear full body bags just to stop their husbands from killing them outright from sheer revulsion. Their mating rituals are usually performed at no less a distance than 25 kilometers from one another.