Rant from a workplace counsellor

[Clinton1]

I've been hearing, or noticing, a lot of bollocks lately. Mostly its realated to the "workplace counselor" role I play at as one of the many extra's I do at work. (in fact I'm taking a break from it at the moment)
What has caught my attention is the whole "weakness" culture that seems to be popular at the moment.

Things that I have heard lately that will give you an idea of what I mean are:
"When he/she doesn't agree with my opinion they de-validate me",
"I can't perform well without him/her making me feel supported and included",
"If I don't have their approval it makes me feel...",
"I have issues from the way my mother and father brought me up and I am having counselling for it and taking medication and thats why I behaved the way I did",
"I have some stress in my personal life and need to leave work early on Friday so I can get some counselling/aromatherapy/attend my group validation session", (???)
"When they didn't ask me 'how that made me feel' I felt that they did not respect me as a human being".

Yup, I've heard all of that over the last 4 or 5 months. The comments mostly come from people with university degress, or those that have partners that have attended uni recently. Common denominator?

Or that Jana Pittman creature "I know that when I really need it, I'll have the support of the Australian people"... I mean she just runs, right?

The best one is the "Group Validation", basically people sitting around bitching and moaning about stuff and telling each other "You are right, You are ok, You are special, Its not your fault".

Bloody tossers. Usually its the same few idiots as well.

Generally I use a technique of getting them to relate to strong role models - basically a PC way of making them tell me that they are failures and that they should get over it. From there I can start to make progress with them and start to get them to see a healthier way of thinking.

So, am I stuck in the Twilight Zone, or have other people noticed this same thing? i.e. a weakness culture.
Feel free to comment if you think the examples are fair and reasonable as well.

[Andy Mac]

Hi Clinton,
I reckon there is something in what you've brought up. My initial response is that nobody is prepared to take blame or responsibility for their own actions anymore...exemplified by the whole litigation thing. Like stepping on a rake in someone else's backyard; or riding a motorbike without a helmet or footwear and blaming the land owner. Or even the pub after you get blind and kill someone in your car.

Regards,

[Waldo]

G'day Clinton1,

For these people and to quote Pink Floyd, "Let's get 'em up against the wall". :eek:

Needless to say I have no time at all for this kind of person. Accept responsibility or get out.

[CameronPotter]

:eek: :eek:
Clinton, I thought that people only joked about that kind of stuff!!

Arrrghhhh. It is all too horrible.

Cam

[Wongo]

Bloody psychologists make it possible. Things happen for a reason and it is always something to do with your childhood and the society. Were you abused by your father or were you bullied at school? You need to express your feeling. So tell me …..

[Driver]

As some of you know, before my semi-retirement I was general manager of a fairly large enterprise. Here's a brief anecdote from a few years back

We had a colleague who contracted a terminal illness. This tragedy was made worse because she was still young and had young children. Many of us had known her for quite a while and were very saddened by the prospect of losing our friend.

One of our younger, brighter people (who is now doing very well as a quite senior manager with the same group) approached me. He said he had been talking with his girlfriend about the impending death of our colleague. His girlfriend was a recently-graduated teacher. She had suggested to him that we should bring counsellors into the workplace to help us all deal with the tragic circumstances. I told him - in a few short sentences - that we were not going to do anything of the kind. To do so would be self-indulgent and we would better help our dying friend and her family by focussing on their troubles and not by turning it into something that only affected us.

His girlfriend rang me the following day to berate me for my lack of sensitivity. I invited her over and sat them both down. I gave them my views on the self-obsessed culture which demands that every twist in life's fortunes should be used as an excuse to demand ego-massaging "support" from psycho-babbling space-wasters. I also told my bright young colleague that everyone is entitled to make a mistake once. His was to think it at all appropriate for his partner to criticise the way his boss managed the business. I explained that he was a member of the organisation and therefore his views were valid. His partner's were not. I was indulging them by talking to them both but would not be so indulgent again.

It was a very considerable shock to them both. I'd like to be able to report that I had changed their views on the world but I suspect that they simply thought I was a dinosaur. Mind you, there was no more talk of counsellors!

Col

[bitingmidge]

If anyone thinks it's someone elses fault, I fire them.

This is specially true if they think it's my fault.

Having said that, I have never fired anyone for making a bad decision PROVIDED they can tell me the reason they made it.

Don't get me wrong, I strongly support benevolence, compassion and what used to be called "equity", I just don't tolerate any of those things as an excuse for non-performance.

Given your line of work Clinton.... well I just shudder!!

Cheers,

P

[Iain]

A friend of mine used this crap toi his advantage, always in trouble in his department for his outspoken views in his Gov Dept he was on the mat again before an all female disciplinary board.
They launched their offensive, he responded with "You only pick on me because I'm gay".
He's not but it worked, got left well alone after that.

[Slavo]

In this "I want it all and I want it now" society, if people don't get respect immediately they go off sulking to their mums like small minded little children. Respect, like trust, takes a long time to establish through word and action. Like many words, 'respect' has now lost its original meaning and now appears if you don't like someone, you don't respect them - bollocks, I've worked with people who I didn't like but respected them because of their professional expertise
I wish some people would just take their balls out of their handbags and get on with life

[JDarvall]

I wish some people would just take their balls out of their handbags and get on with life

....feel the same........I've always believed there's more healing come about from getting back up on your feet and working yourself hard,,,,,letting time heal,,,,,,than sitting about feeling sorry for yourself,,,,....a little bit of grief is understandable and support from others, but it definetly gets out of control,,,,drags on with all that sympathy and hugs. that starts to look just a little embarrising.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter how much support you have, the same amount of personal effort is needed to overcome the grief.

IMO

[MurrayD99]

You know, if Clinton had put this thread on the wire ten years ago, nobody would have believed it. Where are we headed?

[HappyHammer]

Clinton,

Can't say I envy you having to listen to that drivel all day. What is it about the common denominator that you think is causing this lack of get up and get on with it?

HH.

[Clinton1]

Some cases are really valid, and often I get lumped with things that I would prefer not to know about. Things like people seeking you out to talk about the fact that their brother committed suicide a few days ago. Or the bloke that saved the lives of 3 people, but was affected by the fact that he couldn't get to the kids that ended up dying.
Sometimes its a case of trying to get the people to seek better help.
Other times its just a load of rubbish.

I'd say 95% of the people are fine, its the 5% that make all the noise that need the reality check though.

The thing that gets me is that this sort of behaviour seems to be considered reasonable by a large section of society.

As for the bloke Iain spoke about, he wouldn't have got put on the mat if someone said "Pull your head in, idiot, I didn't come to work to hear your crap." Oh, no, instead it is complain to boss and investigate by committee.

In 5 years of doing this I've had 6 harrassment or unprofessional behaviour complaints put in about me, and 4 complaints about the way I spoke to them in the counselling sessions. All were investigated (most at my insistance) and I have never been found at fault. Each time the major contributing factor to the complaint was that they thought I wasn't "taking their side". By not taking their side I was therefor 'victimising' them.

In each case the complainant was uni educated, and recently as well.

I'm thinking that a recent uni education must have something to do with it... maybe there is a lot of counselling and support offered and it cripples people.
Other than that, maybe its because people live with mummy and daddy for so long now?

Jake has a good point, one I hadn't thought about, the one about needing the same personal effort to overcome grief no matter the level of support.

A lot of the time its not about grief, just trivial crud that happens at work or in life.

[Iain]

My background is in psychology, albeit not clinical, but my own observations are that the given number of problems in a specific area are directly proportional to the 'services' available.

[Clinton1]

Almost forgot -
Theres the empowerment thing as well.

To me it means that you are empowed by seeking out opportunities to be a victim.
I mean I don't complain cause I'm never a victim, I might have a problem, but I sort it out.