New Survivor Series

[RufflyRustic]

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also take cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while drivin! g or making three lunches. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in their purse. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day t! ending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to,
"You're not the boss of me."

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with this spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
Good Luck!!

[redwood]

Miss March

[Cliff Rogers]

I don't enter in those silly survivor comps.

[doug the slug]

reality tv at its worst!!!!. and who's gonna fund all that?? yep, the mother?????? i dont think so!!!!!

q: Whats a man's definition of success????

a: to be able to make more money than his wife can spend!!!!!


Q: whats a woman's definition of success????

A: to be able to find a man who can do the above!!!!!!!!!

[DanP]

a: to be able to make more money than his wife can spend!!!!!

Impossible.

[elphingirl]

Where do we sign the men up? (I'll need to borrow two children though, and a car because I'm going to need that with all that free time I'm going to have)
Cheers
Justine

[Clinton1]

At the end of the first 2 weeks:
After having the cramps, back aches and mood swings the men each tell themselves "to harden up" and promptly get over it.
A simple list system and adding all the previous years bills and dividing it by the amount of 'pays' in a year mean that there is always money in the bills account. Unexpected expenses are simply done without till cash is saved.
If the kids don't start helping with the housework and gardening, the kids don't go to sport/music/whatever.
Kids do their own bl**dy homework, if they can't the teacher gets asked to explain their lack of teaching ability. Childrens homework - its for the children. Simple really.
Not only do the kids know what a tampon is, they also know at least 6 interesting and slightly destructive things to do with it. Think flaming projectiles for potato guns.
Looking pretty - the words "stick it up your.... idiot" were used, and nothing more was heard. Interesting Flannies were still purchased though.
Due to a decrease in spending on Lady Shavers, wax, cosmetics, perfume, clothes, gossip magazines and other items deemed non-essential, a large increase in the tool and holiday budget was experienced. That large 18" shifter came in handy in conversations with gossips about gossiping.
With the reduction in gossiping, and a "don't care about those idiots" attitude a lot of things seemed less important and fell off the "to do" list.
Appointments - again, that list thing rears its head.
Cookies and cupcakes - its called fruit now.
The question "what are the words to that song?" prompts the question "what do you think they should be?".
The kids said "you're not the boss of me".... ONCE.
Fast Food. Its now a pleasure to cook and NOTHING interferes with sitting down as a family to eat together. And yes, the peas are eaten, or no-one leaves the table. Doesn't worry Dad, he's talking with the family.
If anyone asks about kids height, clothes size, birth weight.... then they are told to "hang on a minute" or told to "bugger off, nosey".
At the weekly school meeting Dad said "that if he had to turn up each week, then someone doesn't know their job". Now one Dad turns up each week, just to check on things.
As for the rest of it, it all appears easy when you don't have to commute for an hour to work, work all day, do overtime, commute for an hour back, and then turn on the Father/Husband routine when all you feel like doing is absolutely nothing. In fact it all feels rather like a holiday, and the men find that one thing hasn't changed:
He feels like being more intimate, but still gets whinged at.

[Gra]

Im in, already do most of that now.... Except the makeup and clothes things (welll maybe on weekends )


Plus go to work

[RufflyRustic]

Geez Clinton!! ROTFLOLPMP!!!!!! If only some of it were that simple!!!!!

Some very good points there though

cheers
Wendy

[AlexS]

Geez Clinton!! ROTFLOLPMP!!!!!! If only some of it were that simple!!!!!

You mean it isn't?:confused:

[exchalkie]

Yep! Done all that a few years ago when my wife was sick - for four months. Plus:
* got the 5 kids presentable each evening after dinner to visit mum in hospital;
* spent most of each weekend visiting in the hospital because "if you don't visit me I won't think you're worried about me";
* Plus, and this is most important, a full day's work somewhere in the middle.
Sorry, what was the question again?

[exchalkie]

Sorry - I've just re-read my last post and it was uncharacteristically negative. I sincerely apologise if I've upset anyone. Now that I've retired I will have to consign my cynicism to where it belongs - out with the rest of the garbage.
Cheers
David

[RufflyRustic]

Hi David,

Upset???? No way! Just totally amazed that you did all that and stayed sane.

cheers
Wendy

[Iain]

Im in, already do most of that now.... Except the makeup and clothes things (welll maybe on weekends )


Plus go to work

I can introduce you to some daaaaarling lumberjacks

[exchalkie]

G'day Wendy
Where did you get the idea that I'm sane?
I've been a Primary school teacher for most of my working life! Surely that qualifies me for the funny farm.
Cheers
David