Eight Engineering Jokes - some of these may be old...

[CameronPotter]

Hi all,

As an engineer these appealed to me. I had heard some before, but here they are all nicely compiled. I like 1, 6 and 8 the best.


Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were riding across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
'Take what you want'." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these chaps? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silen! t for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."


Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl
friend, but a talking frog......now that's cool!"

[bennylaird]

What do engineers use for contraception?

Their personalities......................

[LineLefty]

Engineers have got nothing on economists.

We do it with models.

[Auld Bassoon]

IT Architects just use the concepts

Cheers!

[Termite]

When I was working in the Phillipines my Danish boss put it around that I was an engineer to give me some status as the SE Asian GM of his company.

When the inevitable question "Civil or Structural" occured, I used to answer "Functional". This was usually met with blank looks. It's a very polite society over there and of course most of them didn't wish to show that they had no idea what a Functional Engineer was. When the question was asked I simply replied "I make things happen". As the local boss of a major construction company I got away with it.

[CameronPotter]

Engineers have got nothing on economists.

We do it with models.

Hang on a second... my models are run on a supercomputer.

Does that mean that I do it with supermodels?

[Daddles]

Hang on a second... my models are run on a supercomputer.

Does that mean that I do it with supermodels?

Only if your graphics card is good enough

Richard

[Termite]

Only if your graphics card is good enough

Richard

250mm required...........sorry meant 250Mb

[Daddles]

250mm required...........sorry meant 250Mb

well, if she's good looking enough ...

Richard

[graemet]

Three engineers are going to a conference and decide to share a car, which then breaks down miles from anywhere.
The mechanical engineer says,"It's got to be the timing belt, I've got some spanners so I'll fix it."
The electical engineer says,"Nah, it's the ignition system. I've got my meter, I'll track it down and get us going in no time."
The computer engineer said," No. Lets just get out and then get back in again!"