How does your family cope?

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

I just read a recent post by Driver, lamenting the loss of a friend, and having very recently lost a mate myself, I got to thinking about how different social circles handle the grieving period.

My mate, being of italian descent, was Catholic. Well... that's what it said on his Driver's License, anyway. After a week of wailing and lamentations by the family, various masses and other ceremonies, he was buried amongst much pomp'n'ceremony. I only attended the planting, it still took half the day to get him the last hundred yards. The family then went off for more in-house mourning, with more wailing and gnashing of teeth. There was even the near-miss thing with someone fainting and nearly following the balsa box down the 'ole.

I'm not trying to make fun of them, don't get me wrong. It's their way that they handle the loss from their group, odd as it may seem to me.

On the other hand, our neighbours were shocked when we buried our Nan. Not so much 'cos we were in & out of the cemetery within a couple of hours, but more 'cos everyone came back to our place and we had a bloody good booze-up. They thought it indecent that some of the jokes were along the lines of "Nan'd be peeved she couldn't make it: look at all that tucker!" But in our family we don't mourn the loss, we celebrate the life. We loved our Nan and she would have been peeved at missing out on a big do like that! It's really not just an excuse for another family get-together/booze-up... for them we don' need no steenkin' excuse.

Anyone care to share how their group deals with such situation?

[maglite]

Yep i agree some of us wogs can go a bit overboard.

I reckon that it must depend where you came from and where you are in the country.
Not to mention wether the family is religious or that they follow religion religiously....does that make sense?

My family is religious, but also realistic and the wake always celebrates the life of the deceased.....and we rarely ever try to over analyse the death.

I agree, we sit and tell stories of our fave moments......stuff that cant be put on the headstone but important none the less.
I think it also helps others come to terms in the greiving process and in my honest opinion it one of those areas that others should hold their tongues on........people should feel safe and comfortable doing whatever helps them deal with the loss.

Just my 20c worth
Steve

[Greg Q]

Anyone care to share how their group deals with such situation?

Depends on the situation I guess. My Father-in Law got a typical Irish send-off with all of the jokes and stories and lots of lubrication. My two dear friends shortly afterward got more sober affairs, both of them English, so I understood. My parents got the French-Canadian (see Irish) wake, again with much reminiscing

My baby daughter Madeleine died a few years ago, for her there was and is nothing but abject grief, and I cannot even recall much of what was said or done in those days and weeks.

Best,

Greg

[Termite]

We lost one of my brothers-in- law mid this year, he was also my best mate and a fellow woodie. He knew he was going, cancer, and before he did he gave one of his brothers $3000.00 and told him if anyone walked away from the wake sober he would come back and haunt him.
We all cope by doing what Trev wanted us to do, get on with life.

[bennylaird]

While the passing brings pain we are richer from our memories of those who go before.

Mourn but enjoy their memory when something triggers it in our minds.

[Zed]

in my mum's ethno circle (I deliberately distance myself from my cultural heritage as I feel that nationalism from another country doesnt belong in australia - if it does - go back there. I myself am dinky di regardless of my ethno shocker of a name...) they have the big funeral with everyone that ever knew the deceased and all have a chance to say something. theres a bit of blackness but all go back to the family afterwards and a good old booze-up to celebrate the life of the departed.

this is a good way if yo ask me.

[ivanavitch]

I went to my first funeral at 14, a school mate. I couldn't understand his mum inviting everyone home afterwards for a "party". I didn't go.

My second was at 18 and I was in the catafalque party. Back on the bus and back to base straight after. Both left me empty.

Since then most have been followed by a good old booze-up. But then again all have had a reasonable innings. I think the celebation of their life helps. A child would be different. I don't know how to handle that.

[Farm boy]

my dad was a woodie and sung in the welsh choir,no he wasnt welsh just loved the music.
we gave him a send off with a welsh choir at the church and said goodbye there and back to mums for food and drink.
we had greek friends who were shocked we didnt follow dad to the crem but it wasnt our way
i ended up marrying a macadonian and man oh man there funerals are full on ending with a few stubbies of beer and a feed at the cemetary

[Schtoo]

I dread having to go to a funeral here, I really do.

They cremate the body, then the close family takes chopsticks of all different sizes, and together take what bones they can find from the ashed and places them in an urn. :eek:

This is why when you eat Japanese food the sticks are all identical and you never touch anyone else's sticks with yours.

I figure there is a bit of a wake, and plenty of booze, but I think it remains a fairly staid affair.

Death is a pretty serious thing here, to a point, there is a set of national holidays one after the other dedicated to remembering the dead.

It's the bones that get me though. Not sure I can handle that...

[Bodgy]

Bloody hell Zed. There's two of us in the 'burb!

[doug the slug]

Ive experienced more than my share of this stuff lately and i feel the best way is to have a good funeral service without too much pomp and circumstance, burn them or bury them then get the rellies and friends together for a good wake and celebration of their LIFE. after that just make sure that the immediate familuy have the support they need but dont smother them