Quickies

[KBs PensNmore]

Low Battery: A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal


Government Survey: A government survey has shown that 91 percent of illegal immigrants come to Australia so that they can see their own doctor.


Valentine's Day: Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's lousy at snooker.


Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him England.


If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham, delete it. It's spam.


And the best . .


They say that ex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

[AlexS]

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

How do you make it last two minutes?

[rustynail]

Interval.

[KBs PensNmore]

A lady who used to do my bookwork, said that she called her husband Victa.
I asked her why, she replied 2 stokes and it was over.

[Chief Tiff]

I got sacked from work for licking my knife.
Apparently it upset the other surgeons.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store in town.
Police tell me I’m an I-Witness.

I just learned that I’m actually colour blind.
The news came right out of the purple.

When taking down the Xmas tree I found a present behind it I’d totally forgotten about.
The kids would have loved that puppy.

The price of a burial plot has doubled in the last 12 months.
Apparently it’s due to the rise in the cost of living.

I just heard Defence is now putting women on submarines.
What’s next; men in the Air Force?

My new girlfriend said having a small “thingy” is nothing to be ashamed of.
I dunno; I sort of wish she didn’t have one at all.