The new Euro language

[Dengue]

Despite Brexit, the European Commission has finally agreed that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a five-year phase-in plan for what will become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a reil sensibl vriten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Extracted from Peter Fitzsimon column, SMH 4 July 2020

[Fuzzie]

The fact that we can actually still read the final sentence and make sense of it goes a long way to showing why English has become the default lingua franca.

[KBs PensNmore]

The English language is one of the hardest to learn, it's easier to learn Chinese apparently.

[Fuzzie]

The English language is one of the hardest to learn, it's easier to learn Chinese apparently.

I think that statement might need qualifying. There is a difference between being functional and being grammatically correct. Some years ago I was working with a Vietnamese refugee who said English was the easiest language for him to learn as it didn't matter how much he f^^ked up the grammar he could still communicate in daily life.

BTW I found that that didn't necessarily hold true for me in the States, same words, different language.

[Handyjack]

Help! I need a translator.
I failed English at school even though I can read, write and understand the language. In fact I have had articles published in magazines.
I work with a person from Ireland and another from Scotland and at times I cannot understand them, but they are speaking English.
Just as well there are few Americans where I work.

[LanceC]

The fact that we can actually still read the final sentence and make sense of it goes a long way to showing why English has become the default lingua franca.

Fuzzie, your comment reminder me of this, which is intrigued me since reading it years ago.

"It deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

[rwbuild]

I alwaz sed inglish wos spelt increctle

[P.W.H.]

Fuzzie, your comment reminder me of this, which is intrigued me since reading it years ago.

"It deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

To me that looks more like "Typonese" than "English".

[damian]

The joke at the top of the page is at least 20 years old.

English is fascinating. It's a potpourri of other languages which is why we have many different words for the same thing, and no consistent spelling or usage rules.

Consider this: 2 of the biggest components of English are 16th century maritime terms and Norman (french). We have generous smatterings of all the latin languages but we also have a truckload of nordic (vikings) and anglo saxon influences. On top of this you have fluidity of pronunciation meaning and usage over time.

"Apple" once simply meant any fruit. Lamb Beef and pork came I believe from the norman, while cow sheep and pig came from elsewhere.

I suppose depending on your perspective it's either a glorious celebration of history and culture or a frustrating trainwreck of inconsistencies. I am glad it's my first language because if it weren't I'd never be able to learn it.

[KBs PensNmore]

I think that statement might need qualifying.

My comment was from experience, as my parents and I came from Holland, back in '53. Mum could never get the pronunciation of certain words, a Jumper for example was a yumper, as there is no "Y" and the "J" is pronounced as a "Y". My name is actually Krijn, but everyone tries to pronounce it as it is written, even the computer doesn't like it and comes up with Crayon, Creosote, Cretin, etc. so I turned the "ij" into a "Y" and is pronounced as Cryin.

[Sturdee]

My name is actually Krijn, but everyone tries to pronounce it as it is written, even the computer doesn't like it and comes up with Crayon, Creosote, Cretin, etc. so I turned the "ij" into a "Y" and is pronounced as Cryin.

Actually it's quite easy to pronounce, The K is hard not a soft C, R is normal, the I and J together is pronounced as one sound not quite like the English Y but more like a combined EI sound and finally the N is the same. Altogether it's a one syllable word not two as most people think.

BTW it does help that I still can speak and read Dutch fluently.

Peter.

[Fuzzie]

Oh yeah! Take pity on the poor English speaker trying to learnt to pronounce the dutch version of G.

[Boringgeoff]

In the 70's I worked with a bloke from Yugoslavia who'd learn't his English from a Scotsman!

[A Duke]

In the 70's I worked with a bloke from Yugoslavia who'd learn't his English from a Scotsman!

Hi,
Now there is an oxymoron if ever there was one.
Regards

[Tomislav]

actually
what it looks like is what most kids are using on their txts.. scary..