Idiots in 2019

[KBs PensNmore]

Number One Idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.


Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.


Number Three Idiot
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Noosa!


Number Four Idiot
A guy walked into a small corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence.
They arrested the robber two hours later.


Number Five Idiot
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!'
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


Number Six Idiot
Seems this bloke wanted some beer pretty badly..
He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.
The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglass...
The whole event was caught on videotape.. Perth WA ...


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Melbourne ...


JUST AN IDIOT:
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.

[ian]

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!

Wasn't in Surfers, but had something similar happen in McGraths Hill.
Asked the food service person (I better not mention their age or gender) for some apple slices.
"We don't have apple slices." was the response.
Me, pointing to the packaged sliced apple "what are those?"
them "There fruit pieces."

need I go on?

[Chesand]

And we let them breed.

[Fuzzie]

Sometimes things just get lost in translation.

True story. We were driving across the US a few years ago and not being accustomed to eating fast food are always challenged at fast food outlets at the best of time, even at home.

It had been a long days drive and mid afternoon we decided to stop for a coffee. We decide to try a Burger King. Ordering coffee is another challenge in the US. I'd worked out that the nearest palatable thing to a coffee was usually something called a Latte so I order a latte. The Fuzzette spys Iced Latte on the menu and thinking in terms of what we call iced coffee in Oz, decided to order Iced Latte. No problem except that the Fuzzette doesn't like tons of ice in her drinks, so she asks the server behind the counter for an Iced Latte, but hold the ice. The server looks quizzically at her and starts to say something, but the Fuzzette is insistent that she doesn't want ice and the server no doubt noted our odd accents just shrugs and places the order.

Out come the Latte and the Iced Latte with no ice. They are exactly the same.

It turns out that in the US Iced coffee means you pour hot coffee over a glass full of ice. There is no Iced Coffee as we know it.

[rwbuild]

You haven't had a decent iced coffee until you have one in Viet Nam, best anywhere in the world

[woodhutt]

I went to order two fillets of fish (burgers) among other things at the local Macca's and naturally pronounced fillet as you would in English. "Don't you mean 'fill-ay?" said the millennial in the kiosk rather pompously, I thought. So I proceeded to place the entire order in French (learned during four years living and working in Liege, Belgium). Needless to say, I had to repeat the entire order in English. Revenge is sweet but not fattening. Pete

[rrich]

In the US we have a fast food (really it is neither) place called Jack In The Box. There is one around the corner from our home.

I stop in and order a cup of 'Freeway Coffee'. Basically it is a large cup of coffee but only ¾ full. The high school sweetie behind the counter says, 'We don't sell 'Freeway Coffee'."
I look at her, sigh and say, "Give me a large cup of coffee but fill the cup only ¾ full."
Sweetie says "I have to charge you for a large cup."
I say, "As expected." And I pay for large cup of coffee.
Sweetie turns around and pours a full cup of coffee, in a large cup not even leaving room for cream and sets it on the counter.
I ask Sweetie to pour a bit of the coffee into the sink.
Sweetie says, "Once I give you any food I'm not allowed to touch it again."
I sloshed ¼ of the cup on the counter and just left.

BTW - Freeway coffee was before cup holders in cars. It enabled the driver to drink the coffee without sloshing it all over. Usually we put the cup on the dash using the windshield to hod it in place.

And, as you say, 'We allow them to breed.'

[damian]

You haven't had a decent iced coffee until you have one in Viet Nam, best anywhere in the world

Funny story (I hope). I used to make up jugs of coffee and chill it in the fridge, drank it black with lots of sugar. Many moon later I discovered the vietnamese do it exactly the same way. I was multicultural and didn't even know it. Slightly less keen on the white version with condensed milk...

I bought a couple of oil filters at repco the other day. Being helpful I offered notes and coin exactly 10.20 over the price (best I could do). The lass behind the counter spent minutes, with pen and paper, calculator everything. I thought she might cry. For the life of her she could not add up 2 items and work out the change. In the end I just gave her a 20 and the till did the sum for her. I think she didn't know how to enter the more complex amount into the till....

Rich,

You might have tried asking for a medium coffee in a large cup ?

[KBs PensNmore]

Makes you wonder about the future generations, I think that their memory holding container got over filled in school, so they emptied enough out to be able to know how to use twitter, feacebook, and for selfies!!!!

[bueller]

Makes you wonder about the future generations, I think that their memory holding container got over filled in school, so they emptied enough out to be able to know how to use twitter, feacebook, and for selfies!!!!

Makes you wonder about people who label entire generations based on absurd stereotypes.

[ian]

I went to order two fillets of fish (burgers) among other things at the local Macca's and naturally pronounced fillet as you would in English. "Don't you mean 'fill-ay?" said the millennial in the kiosk rather pompously, I thought. So I proceeded to place the entire order in French (learned during four years living and working in Liege, Belgium). Needless to say, I had to repeat the entire order in English. Revenge is sweet but not fattening. Pete

Hi Pete
you shouldn't be surprised ...

the fast food counter jockeys only know how they have been trained to pronounce what is printed on the outside of the box they take the "fill-ays" from.
If their training is to pronounce "fish fillet" as "fish fill-ay" that is what they will do.

Living most of the year in Canada I get odd looks a lot of the time.

[Boringgeoff]

In the early 70's I worked with a genius who had abandoned his wife and family and owed them quite a bit of maintenance money. He told us he had arrived in the Pilbara having flown from city to city from the east coast. One of the crew asked, "using a different name at each airport?" "No" was his reply. The Dampier cops drove out and arrested him within a fortnight.

[Bob38S]

Many years ago I was in one of the American pizza chain “restaurants” (I use the term loosely) and ordered a pizza.

Being in a happy mood, I asked if the server could cut the pizza into 6 pieces rather than 8 as I didn’t think I could eat 8. Server looked worried, went and asked the person in charge, came back with the reply that the company specified that the pizza had to be cut into 8. I’m still amused by the reply.

[bueller]

Hahaha that's actually pretty funny

[Huon pine fan]

Try this one.
Around 2000 in upstate New York I called into a Chinese restaurant.
Do you do takeaway?
Sorry?
Do you do takeaway?
Do you speak English?
Eventually they cottoned on.
Oh, you mean takeout?
The biggest feed of Chinese I have ever had!