Jokes that can be told in church

[KBs PensNmore]

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.


One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'


The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad..'


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''


The mother replied, 'Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'


The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.


The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'


The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'


The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male


pallbearers.


In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'

He answered, 'Call for backup.'


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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.


A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a babysitter.'


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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.


After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'


Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.


Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.


Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'


Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'


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You don't stop laughing because you grow old..
You grow old because you stop laughing!
Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.
I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now...for all of us...so we need something to make the day a happy place.


"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet!

[Handyjack]

"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet!

But I bet the government is working on it.

[rrich]

A pastor was on a life long mission to save the native tribes in Africa. As the pastor was wandering through the jungle to reach the next native village he came upon a huge and hungry lion. The pastor, realizing that he was about to meet his maker closed his eyes and fell to his knees for one last prayer. After about a minute, the pastor realized that nothing had happened. The pastor warily opened his eyes. To the pastor's amazement the lion was in front of him and praying. The pastor exclaimed, "It is so gratifying to see you praying with me." The lion opens its eyes and growls, "Can you be still while I'm saying grace."