Paraprosdokian

[KBs PensNmore]

The following are paraprosdokians. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous:

*If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.

*I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

*Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

*Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

*I'm great at multitasking, I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

*If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

*Take my advice — I'm not using it.

*My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

*Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

*Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

*Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

*Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

*He who laughs last thinks slowest.

*Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

*Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

*I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

*I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

*If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

*Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

*If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

*Money is the root of all wealth.

[Bob38S]

* If you are not living on the edge you’re taking up too much space.

[A Duke]

Blessed are the meek, for thy shall inhibit the Earth.

[rwbuild]

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done

[Chesand]

Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

[clear out]

It looked fine out this morning, so I left it out.
H.

[Crunchie]

Glue on your fingers is not something you want to be stuck with