Pretentious Nursery Rhymes.

[Dendot]

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn
The sheep's in the meadow,
The cow's in the corn...
or
Dimunutive child of cerulean hue,
Come ullulate on your cornu
The bovine woolmaker is now a-lea
And the ruminant heifer is stealing barley.

Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go
or
Mary had a callow sheep,
With pellicule of niveous hue,
Ubiquitous though Mary was,
It was inured to pursue.

To market, to market,
To buy a fat pig,
Home again, home again jiggetty-jig
To market, to market,
To buy a fat hog,
Home again, home again, joggetty-jog
or
To indulge our preference for corpulent porkers,
We travel where goods are presented by hawkers
Then, jerkily bobbing along the hard road,
We retreat to the peace of our native abode.
To indulge our preference for corpulent boar,
We employ the same method to that used before....

[doug the slug]

Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was black as charcoal
every time it jumped the fence
you could see its small brown eyes roll

[Robert WA]

Mary had a little lamb
and her father shot the ram.

[doug the slug]

ill give the above post 10 minutes,

[Dendot]

As far as the originator of the first one- 'Little Boy Blue' It was me; the others were taken-(stolen) from a book, which my daughter brought me back from U.K. on a recent trip. It's called 'One Hundred Pretentious Nursery Rhymes' by Michael Powell.

[AlexS]

To the tune of Waltzing Matilda...
Once a jolly vagabond
Sat down by a lilly pond
Under the shade of a Royal Oak tree
And he sang as he sat and waited while his kettle boiled
Who'll come a waltzing a bulldog with me?

Down came a hedgehog to drink at the lily pond
Up jumped the vagabond and grabbed it with glee
And he sang as he shoved that hedgehog in his haversack
Who'll come a waltzing a bulldog with me?

Down came the constable mounted on his bicycle
Up came the beefeaters 1, 2, 3
Where's that jolly hedgehog you've got in your haversack
You'll come a waltzing a bulldog with me.

Up jumped the vagabond & sprang into the lilly pond
You'll never take me alive said he
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that lily pond
Who'll come a waltzing a bulldog with me?

[RETIRED]

ill give the above post 10 minutes,

Missed it last night, must have been tired.

[doug the slug]

Missed it last night, must have been tired.

Come on , get with the program, mate. i even put a sign on it for you. next time will i send up a flare?

[E. maculata]

Mary had a little Lamb,
on a bed of potato and leek, t'was beautiful. :eek:

[biotechy2k]

Mary Had a Little Lamb

And the Midwife Fainted

Cheers Bio

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

If we're gonna sink to that level...

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
It follows her to school each day,
Between two slabs of bread.


Mary had a little lamb
And a little bear.
I often see her little lamb,
I'd like to see her bare.


Mary had an old tin cow,
She milked it with a spanner.
A quart of milk for thrupenny,
A gallon for a tanner.


Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her,
Then Little Miss Muffet did say:
"Rack off hairy-legs!"

[biotechy2k]

With Sincerest Apologies to Mr. Edgar Allan Poe

This was penned in frustration to cleaning out many many rat cages and for the uninitiated
Raisins are in the Rodent Lovers world another name for little black pebbles of
Rat SH*t

THE CAGE CLEANIN'

Cleaning' Quoth Louie Nevermore?

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
Rat crap piled high and pelleted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing
cage cleanin'.
Having reached the bottom line I took a rat from the door,
I then invoked the don't command and waited for the stasher to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the cage I'm peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the rats kept chewing, turning yet to chew some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Sleep" I said, "You cursed beasties! Save my sanity once more!"
One thing did the Ratties answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Cleaning Cleaning you shall do Forevermore"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the Ratlets made impish noises.
Trixie, flashed insistent, waiting, baiting me to clean some more.
Clearly I must pick up raisins, choosing one from piles on the floor,
Bruxing Heartily, Cage Cleaning is Your Chore!"


With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the litter tray bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping the cage would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I removed offending container.
But on the ramp there still persisted pebbles magically appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "We give you Raisins, Rasins Raisins Galore"

I tried to catch the Rats off guard, and snatch and grabbed, but twice as
hard.
I pleaded with the cursed Beasties: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random machinations,
Still they laughed the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Never blinking, Evilly winking, Chuttering nonsense as before.
Bruxing, "Raisins Raisins Give Her More!"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own Pets accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the Rattery floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning was our own sweet Trixie my Darling Rescue, Tossing Raisins on
my floor.
Not even, "Sneakily, Quietly Invisibly as Before"

To this day I do not know the place to which excess Raisins must go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where Litter Tray Order must be
Restored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's Compost, Pot Plants, Bins and much much more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost, insane alone once more,
Pleading, Insanely, Babbling, Blubbering "Raisins' Raisins' Raisins' Forever
More"