What Life Maxims do you live by?

[JackoH]

He who laughs last, laughs longest. (But he also gets a reputation for being an idiot!}

[shrek]

Live each day as if it is your last, as one day you are sure to be right.

[Driver]

1. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

3. A day without sunshine is like... night.

4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

9. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

10. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

11. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

13. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

14. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

15. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

16. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

17. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

18. You can't have everything, where would you put it?

19. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

20. The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first.

21. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

22. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

23. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

24. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

25. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

[Gumby]

If it wasn't for gravity, the sky would be full of dead birds :eek:

[dan_tom]

Number one and number two nothing else goes down the loo.

Everybody is trust worthy until proven otherwise.

If a job is worth doing it is worth doing well, until you get bored, make a mistake, realise doing well wastes time or you cannot be bothered.

The grass should look greener on your side of the fence... damn water restrictions.

Finally, be nice to others and they might be nice to you.

Cheers
Tom

[Groggy]

Assume people are doing their best.

Just do it.

[Christopha]

Don't look at me, I didn't do it and not only that but I didn't know she was married!

I'm sorry but seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a schidt.

[Barry_White]

Never argue with an idiot

Because anyone watching may not know the difference.

[Andy Mac]

You reap what you sow
Assume the best of people untill they prove otherwise
Measure twice cut once
If at first you don't succeed, give up before you smash the ****ing thing
Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your willy first
Cut your way in and weld your way out

Cheers,

[Driver]

Here are a few more

1. If you're too open minded, your brains fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. On the other hand, youth and enthusiasm are no match for old age and treachery.
4. . . . and artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you haven't tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. There is not one shred of evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
9. If you look like your passport photograph, you probably need the trip.
10. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
11. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
12. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
13. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
16. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
17. By the time you've figured out how to make ends meet, they’ve moved the ends.
18. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
19. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
20. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

[silentC]

These are my Dad's:

Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone.
I'd rather by an old fart than a young d!ckhead

[DPB]

It's not what happens to you that matters, but how you deal with it.

[duckman]

Conscience is the little voice that tells you someone might be watching.

What goes around, comes around.

Stick to first principles and you'll never go wrong.

The harder you work, the luckier you'll become.

[Cliff Rogers]

& a few more thanks to Google.... I was lookinmg for the 4th last one & found this lot.

Never name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences oughta' be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It's about how good you bounce.

Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Trouble with a milk cow is...she won't stay milked.

Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.

Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal. It just ain't helpful.

Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

Two can live as cheap as one...if one don't eat.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar...if you're in to catchin' flies.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

Don't go drinkin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

You can't unsay a cruel remark.

Every path has some puddles.

Don't wrestle with pigs. You'll get all muddy, and the pigs'll love it.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

The early bird gets the worm. But...the second mouse gets the cheese.

[Ivan in Oz]

Subtlety and moderation.
To that I often add Innuendo

also
There are always exceptions to exceptions :eek:



eg Science....'I' B4 'E' except after 'C'
OH!! Yea, Right :mad: :confused: