Sickest Dad Jokes Ever

[Carry Pine]

Dad Jokes.
I take no responsibility.:

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash afteryears of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of theEuphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he wentto Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars forit."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the Kingprotested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star,makes no difference who you are."

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Evidence has been found that William Tell and his familywere avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyedin a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted,"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded,"Now, settle down..You'll just have to be a little patient."

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Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company ofMassachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made thecases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses wereso bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- "He who has a Tate'sis lost!"

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An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned themedicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thinstrip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew,and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine manreturned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

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A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage andfound his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complainingto the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must havetaken Leif off my census."

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There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin,one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All threebecame pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on thehippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... the squaw ofthe hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.(Some of you may need help with this one).

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A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South Americanfolk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leavesof a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When theanthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said,"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."



CP

[Kidbee]

Have to agree, they are all sick jokes!

[rwbuild]

They are worse than Dad jokes

[groverwa]

Groan groan

[rustynail]

There is nothing wrong with the Three Squaws Joke. Quite clever, I thought, when I first heard it.
Comedy is a bit like beauty.

[rrich]

They are all good ones except the Tate's went over my head.

They will be forwarded to family.

[cava]

I like Dad jokes, and have been known to have an off the wall sense of humour.

But the majority of these, in my opine are just not funny - some I don't even get (which is rare for me).

[KBs PensNmore]

They are all good ones except the Tate's went over my head..

"He who has a Tate'sis lost!" = He who HESITATES is lost
Most of these should be said out loud, as it's the way the sound comes out, which makes them funny!!!

[rrich]

[Twisted Tenon]

The beauty of dad jokes is not the joke itself, but the turkey saying them. I love the look on my now adult kids faces when I crack one. Which of course sets me off laughing at my own jokes. I caught my son doing a dad joke with his daughters the other day, so the tradition in my family is in safe hands

TT

[rrich]

Here is one that usually works on the younger kids.

(Everybody knows how a "Knock, Knock" joke works.)

You sit there and say, "I just heard this hilarious Knock, Knock joke. Go ahead, you start."
Child: "Knock, knock."
You: "Who is there?"

Usually stunned silence before laughter.