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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Western Australia
    Age
    78
    Posts
    122

    Default been around but good for a laugh...And then the fight started

    Subject: And then the fight started ...



    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a scale.

    And then the fight started...


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started...


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.. You might have gotten disability, too.'

    And then the fight started...
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started...

    ---------------------------------
    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

    And then the fight started.....

    ------------------------------------
    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95..

    I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

    And then the fight started....

    --------------------------------------------

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

    I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

    And then the fight started ...

    ----------------------------------------------------
    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

    So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

    And that's when the fight started....

    ----------------------------------------------------
    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And that's when the fight started....

    I rear-ended a car this morning.
    So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
    his car.
    You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
    funny?
    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
    'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
    So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
    And then the fight started.....
    Johnno

    Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

  2. #2
    rrich Guest

    Default Yes, the fight really started

    SWMBO started the dishwasher and then went out to play Bunco with the group.

    The dishwasher finished and I put the dishes away and closed the dishwasher.

    SWMBO arrives home and starts to put the dishes away but finds the dishwasher empty. She says, "Thanks for putting the dishes away." I answered, "I didn't put the dishes away and was wondering why you ran the dishwasher empty."

    That's when the fight started.

    Really

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Shepparton *ugh*
    Age
    49
    Posts
    107

    Default

    My wi...and then the fight started....
    Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Adelaide
    Age
    65
    Posts
    0

    Default

    TRUE STORY

    I went for a massage yesterday.
    After the lady finished, she went out & I got up & put my shirt & shoes on & went out to pay.

    When I walked up to the counter, she asked me How I felt. I replied that I felt like a twenty year old, but where am I going to get one at my age.

    Steve
    The fact remains, that 97% of all statistics are made up, yet 87% of the population think they are real.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Newcastle, Australia
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Call me old fashioned, but I like my kitchen appliances to be white, which is why I insisted my wife wear white to our wedding...


    ...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Murray Bridge SA
    Posts
    293

    Default

    Can you see yet? How are the black eyes?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Newcastle, Australia
    Posts
    0

    Default

    A week or two back I told her the house was a disgrace and to get her act together.

    The next day I couldn't see anything being done.

    Then the next day I still couldn't see anything done...

    The day after that my eyes started to open, the swelling was going down and I could make out a few basic shapes...

    ...

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