Mens Rules

[keith53]

SWMBO found this somewhere & sent it to me. Good for a bit of a chuckle...

Keith



We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.



These are our rules:

•Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

• Subtle hints do not work!

• Strong hints do not work!

• Obvious hints do not work!

• JUST SAY IT!



1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done

• Not both

• If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we



1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

• Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

• We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

– Sex,

– Sport, or

– Cars



1. You have enough clothes



1. You have too many shoes



1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[journeyman Mick]

Highly accurate (and very funny ) however there's one major mistake - the title. "Rules" generally refer to requirements that need to be met, this looks more like a wish list (or wishful thinking ) to me.

Mick

[echnidna]

Nevertheless They have been accredited by a female

[flea1607]

ROFLMAFTSCOMN




To me it is more of a wish list than a set of rules that the finer sex is surpose to follow.

[JDarvall]

Good stuff. Clever and spot on.

Makes me feel that I'm definetly not alone. All men, afterall, go through it.

[Daddles]

Sorry. They don't work for me. The only female in my life is 4, and these rules don't even come close to addressing the issues of having a spirited, energetic four year old around.

Richard

[zenwood]

Sorry. They don't work for me. The only female in my life is 4, and these rules don't even come close to addressing the issues of having a spirited, energetic four year old around.

Richard

Bet they would've been useful 5 years ago!

[Daddles]

Bet they would've been useful 5 years ago!

No, coz she's 4 1/2 and 5 years ago, she was already on her way

Richard

[Kev Y.]

Daddles, you may as well keep them as a reference.. who knows, you may be unfortunate enough to attract one older than 4 1/2 one day .

[Daddles]

Eh, is he allowed to make threats like that on the forum?

Blonde
gorgeous
forties
own table saw
can sharpen planes

actually, I'll settle for any combination of the last three

Then there's always the theory that I've built the tender, she can provide the 30' yacht

And until that comes to pass, I guess I'll just have to keep watching Funniest Home Videos and lusting after Toni

Richard
the flu's getting better - must be the scotch

[doug the slug]

I've built the tender, she can provide the 30' yacht

Hold out for a 40 foot catamaran

[Tikki]

Huh! Well you guys constantly break your own rules! Now just take a closer look at rule number 1 ....

Cheers
Tikki

[Christopha]

Tikki, petal, I loves ya BUT you may have have bitten off more than even you can chew here.......

[zenwood]

Blonde
gorgeous
forties
own table saw
can sharpen planes

Nah: don't want 'er in the shed. Stop at item 2.

And even if it's not the flu getting better, keep taking the scotch, you'll die happy.

[Auld Bassoon]

Huh! Well you guys constantly break your own rules! Now just take a closer look at rule number 1 ....

Cheers
Tikki

Yeah Tikki,

BUT: refer to rule # 1 (they're all #1 after all)

One is good! More than one "1" is even better

Cheers!