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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    Tooradin,Victoria,Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,515

    Default Good instructions.

    In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
    goods.



    1 : On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    2 : On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary, Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

    3 : On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    4 : On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." , (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    5 : On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    6 : On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

    7 : On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

    8 : On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    9 : On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    10: On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

    11: On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    12: On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)

    13: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

    14: I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
    you to fly." ( well Derrr! )

    15: On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    .
    Posts
    4,816

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by
    15: On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    Owwh poo!!
    Now how do I stop it??

    Al :confused:

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Romsey Victoria
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,102

    Default

    You mean I'm not supposed to stop the chainsaw with my genitals? How about the table saw?
    Photo Gallery

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Romsey Victoria
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,102

    Default

    I wonder how many of us having been using our testicles as brakes?
    Photo Gallery

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Garvoc VIC AUSTRALIA
    Posts
    3,208

    Default

    After you stop the chainsaw the table saw wont matter
    Regards, Bob Thomas

    www.wombatsawmill.com

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    .
    Posts
    4,816

    Default

    Poll, poll, poll, poll!!


    Al

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,914

    Default

    Dammit, I know understand all the red spots on my triton

    Richard
    (re number 15 above)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Yinnar, Victoria, Australia
    Age
    66
    Posts
    247

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Grunt
    I wonder how many of us having been using our testicles as brakes?
    You can be sure that neither daddles, I nor several others on here use OURS as brakes.. They are hanging on the trophy wall off some man-hating ex :eek:
    I try and do new things twice.. the first time to see if I can do it.. the second time to see if I like it
    Kev

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,914

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brudda
    You can be sure that neither daddles, I nor several others on here use OURS as brakes.. They are hanging on the trophy wall off some man-hating ex :eek:
    No they're not, they're right here ... somewhere ... :eek: ... HELP!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sydney,Australia
    Posts
    42

    Default

    I have a 2nd cousin who took the old Palmolive ads at their word. Most of the skin on her face started to peel off - Palmolive were 'most surprised' that someone would put that much of their soap on their face etc etc. A few months of treatment by a Dermatologist eventually fixed the peeling skin problem.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Pakenham, outer Melb SE suburb, Vic
    Age
    55
    Posts
    549

    Default

    Different slant on "adjusting the bar on the chainsaw"...

    Would take care of any slack I guess

    Quote Originally Posted by Grunt
    You mean I'm not supposed to stop the chainsaw with my genitals? How about the table saw?
    And I thought they used a hotdog to demo that Sawstop tablewaw device in the States... :eek:


    Cheers...............Sean


    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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