Simplicity of life's issues

[John Saxton]

Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils
Extracts from letters written by council tenants:



1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very
badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside
toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and
50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates
the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until
it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for
me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would
like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would
you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times
but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and
we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
passage has fungus growing in it.

[CAG]

Thanks John, just the belly laugh I needed. Number 22 had me in tears.