Rules Women should follow

[_fly_]

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your #### in a gym.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Anyone can buy condoms.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

9.Dogs are better than ANY cats.

10.Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not a sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to respond to it.

16.Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

19. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21.'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

23.Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

24.Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

25.Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.

26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

27.Don't fake orgasms. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

28.Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

30.The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

31.If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

34.Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo'd t- shirts etc. etc...., lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

35.When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

36. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

37. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

38.If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit-food as well. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'

[snowyskiesau]

I'm guessing you're single - or will be shortly.

[Chief Tiff]

You forgot:

"If it itches, it will be scratched. Learn to live with it."

"We don't mind sleeping on the couch occasionally. We think of it as a bit like camping."

"Men can only see 16 colours, like the default Windows setting. We have no idea what taupe is."

[tea lady]

I'm guessing you're single - or will be shortly.

That would be correct.

I agree with number 4. EVERY day is a day for the search for the perfect present. :P

[_fly_]

I agree with number 4. EVERY day is a day for the search for the perfect present. :P

You would... Ha Ha

Yes I am single, how did you guess.
Couldn't find anyone game enough to take me on...
I also have the rule that they can't have bigger undies than me or have more whiskers on their face than me....

[Timless Timber]

I was very nearly single, when I stupidly said that "if I was going to be nagged to death, it would be by someone younger and prettier looking than her!

Please don't do this, if a peaceful existence is your desire.

Whoever said treat em mean, to keep em keen.... was the dumbest of the dumb.

[rrich]

Where is rule number 18?

"... A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and cold beer."

Ice Cream is the fifth group. It is essential an hour or two after dinner.