Best ever resignation letter

[MBM888]

Mr M'Baz Es-Hari,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common cane toad. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Black Hole Theory. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a beer bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 9:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
A Hacker

[rustynail]

Why do IT people take themselves so seriously? Its not a real job anyway.

[delbs]

Haha not everyone in IT takes themselves seriously but there are those that do just like in any industry. A 'Real' job as in physically working as manual labour or a skilled labour then yeah i guess you right as we sit at computers most of the time and plug in new equipment and cables every other time.

But then again if you mean Real work as in building and designing networks to assist the backbone of our country that enables us to trade and do business on the world stage and securing and fending off foreigners trying to get access to our personal medical, financial, military, state secrets that can run into the billions in damages to our economy then I guess it's serious business that needs people to take their job seriously depends what you classify as a 'real' job these days lol

I take my job seriously as i'm good at it. and I can see the direct consequences if I'm not good at it so i get compensated for it accordingly . But when it comes to family and woodwork / garage time then I'm just a big kid!

[A Duke]

Haha not everyone in IT takes themselves seriously but there are those that do just like in any industry. A 'Real' job as in physically working as manual labour or a skilled labour then yeah i guess you right as we sit at computers most of the time and plug in new equipment and cables every other time.

But then again if you mean Real work as in building and designing networks to assist the backbone of our country that enables us to trade and do business on the world stage and securing and fending off foreigners trying to get access to our personal medical, financial, military, state secrets that can run into the billions in damages to our economy then I guess it's serious business that needs people to take their job seriously depends what you classify as a 'real' job these days lol

I take my job seriously as i'm good at it. and I can see the direct consequences if I'm not good at it so i get compensated for it accordingly . But when it comes to family and woodwork / garage time then I'm just a big kid!

It's a real chicken and egg thing, if it wasn't for IT & the web we wouldn't have this massive industry defending and steeling information. What would all those people do, go on the dole or something useful like sweep roads?
Don't take me too seriously, it is the joke forum after all but as I have had pointed out before I must have thought it, even if I am trying to pass it off as a joke.
May your anti virus protect you and your spell checker never embarrass you
Regards

[rustynail]

I rest my case

[FenceFurniture]

Why do IT people take themselves so seriously? Its not a real job anyway.

I think he meant IT I mean it was a virtual I mean virtuous job.

And speaking of IT people, Audrey Hepburn used to be the "it" girl, but now they're everywhere, and they're not just girls.

[ian]

... speaking of IT people, Audrey Hepburn used to be the "it" girl, but now they're everywhere, and not just girls.

[rrich]

The problem with IT is the managers. They all seem to have the attitude, "I'm a < Telstra (or whatever) > trained manager therefore I can manage anything."

Most IT managers are candidates for "Pointy Hair Boss" of the year award. (Don't know if you blokes get the comic strip Dilbert by Scott Adams. PHB is one of the characters.)

[robbo266317]

As well as racist!
Starting a fictional letter with "Mr M'Baz Es-Hari," as the author, even as a joke, in this day and age is tasteless to say the least.

Furthermore, there are so many irrelevant cross references to different terminology and vague I.T. terms that suggest this is a poorly orchestrated attempt by someone who knows little about I.T. - You CAN do better.
Maybe try it sober.... (Unless you just "cut and pasted" it from the interwebs!)

PS Love Dilbert - right on the mark to sigma 6 specs!