"I see stupid people!" or "spot the blithering idiot"

[Iain]

Seen many a diesel vehicle, usually the hire variety, running on petrol, not too smooth are they
Line Lefty, chains, real smooth on a hard surface aren't they

[Daddles]

I seem to remember a garalous old bastard who drove up to the big smoke to pick up a boat. Got half back along the freeway and the boat decided to divorce him and leapt from the trailer ... well part way.

Richard
I wonder if he remembers this incident

[Ashore]

Some times the stupid ones hunt in packs

And it hurts me to say they were marine engineers
One built a steel trawler on his property when he finished two other engineers helped him launch it , got no permission to transport it the 25 k just did it
he drove and the other two used home made wooden "tees" to push up the two sets of power lines they had to go under.
They lifted the lines one on each side then holding them up walked down the deck each side of the cabin while he drowe slowly under them. clearing the superstructure by about 2 foot or so.




God must love stupid people; He made so many of them

[Driver]

Some times the stupid ones hunt in packs

And it hurts me to say they were marine engineers
One built a steel trawler on his property when he finished two other engineers helped him launch it , got no permission to transport it the 25 k just did it
he drove and the other two used home made wooden "tees" to push up the two sets of power lines they had to go under.
They lifted the lines one on each side then holding them up walked down the deck each side of the cabin while he drowe slowly under them. clearing the superstructure by about 2 foot or so.

That strikes me as fairly intelligent! Stupid would have been to drive through and pull the power lines down, wouldn't it?

[Iain]

I've seen removalists doing the same thing with a broom.

[Daddles]

Many years ago, your beloved scribe decided that the front damping on his motorbicycle needed improving. So he found out what grade fork oil to buy, how much each fork needed, and headed off to the shop. Typically, there wasn't enough oil in one bottle to do both front forks, so he bought two bottles. He got home, tore the front forks apart on his motorbicycle, replaced the fork seals with a minimum of swearing, then re-filled the forks with oil and proceeded to clean up. It was during the 'toss the bits in the bin' phase that he noticed that the two fork oil bottles had contained different grades of oil. Oops. And he couldn't tell at that point, which fork had the right grade and which had the wrong.

So, next day, he's off to the friendly Hoonda Motorbicycle Shoppe for some more fork oil. Two bottles again, both the same grade this time.

Back home again.

Well, he didn't have to do the fork seals again, just drain and replace the fork oil, so he didn't bother jacking up the bike and taking out the front wheel. He puts the bike up on the centre stand, undoes the drain plugs and pumps all the oil out of the forks. Not a problem. Then remove the L/H fork cap and pour in a measured amount of fork oil. Now the other side. The smart way to make sure you've got the same amount of oil in each fork is to measure down from the top, so he leaves the top off the L/H fork and takes the top off the R/H fork.

Now motorbicycle forks have springs in them, springs under compression, and it is these springs that hold the weight of the bike. Remembering that he hadn't jacked up the front of the bike, you will now realise that it was still only those springs holding the wieight of the bike. The L/H fork leg cap is already off, so as soon as he releases the R/H fork leg cap, those springs can no longer do their job.

The springs sprung upwards.
The front of the bike dove downwards.
Because the front forks were now able to fall to the bottom of their movement and the geometry of the centre stand wasn't designed for this sort of angle to the front end, the bike rolled forwards off its centre stand.
Your humble scribe dropped both the fork cap and the spanner and grabbed the bike in time to stop it falling. Just.
Now the fun began (and you thought it already had didn't you).
He'd removed the seat of the bike before starting work and so was able to swing a leg over the bike and straddle it quite easily. Obviously the centre stand was no good, so he tried to put down the side stand. Well, it'd go down but with the front forks compressed, it pushed the bike right over the other way, away from the side stand.

So there he was, straddling his bike, unable to use either stand, the bike too far away from the side of the house to lean it against it, and no-one else home ... apart from three dogs who were enjoying the show immensely.

He looks around for something to prop the bike up with. All that was nearby was a spanner - ring at one end, open ender at the other. Just outside his reach. However, by dint of really reaching with one foot and using just a touch of psychokinesis, he was able to drag that spanner to a point where he could reach it. Then it was a matter of propping it under part of the bike so the bike wouldn't fall over. He found a nut he could prop it against, but the bike was basically bolt upright.

So, with heart in mouth and with very light footsteps, he propped the bike, let go, prayed the wind wouldn't blow, then went to get a car stand.

The rest of the job was relatively easy, though jacking it up enough to get the front forks extended again and the centre stand doing its job without the bike getting bored and lying down for a sleep was fun.

And the pig of a bike didn't handle any differently after all that love and mis-attention.

Cheers
Richard

[Christopha]

Jack and Richard! Youse two are SO DEAD if anyone here works out who you are meaning..........ooooops!

[JackoH]

Come in Spinner. Gotcha!!

[namtrak]

I remember as a kid once, fixing up the front wheel on the dragster, putting it back on and duely forgetting to tighten up the front screws. Do you understand the fatalistic dread one feels, when in all their 70's coolness pull a 'mono' only to see the front wheel come whizzing off. I think I was able to ride about 40 yards in 'mono' state before the inevitable - I think all my mates were reduced to tears, bastards!!

[Iain]

Reduce yourself to tears, bust a chain while cranking your pushbike up a hill, oh woe

[Daddles]

Reduce yourself to tears, bust a chain while cranking up a hill, oh woe

You mean your Land Cruiser is CHAIN DRIVE?

Richard

[speedy]

Hi,
I'm a paramedic and the stories I could tell about stupid people could fill a book. Forget broken chains on push bikes for bringing tears to your eyes, how's this. I was working in a farming community a few years ago when I was called to a farm, the only info I had was "a young boy and an accident with a stick". This is what happened, the boy about 7 years old was playing with a stick, the stick was about 800 mm long and approx 12 mm thick. The boy was running along pushing the stick along the ground in front of him when the end dropped into a hole, unable to stop the boy ran onto the end of the stick that was in his hand. The stick went through his shorts and underwear penetrating his scrotum bisecting his testicals and finishing 150 mm out the other side. when I arrived here was this boy with 800mm of stick through his scrotum, I had to cut the stick down to a managable size and take him to hospial. Luckily the stick missed all the major structures and he made a full recovery with no after effects.:eek::eek::eek::eek:

[kiwigeo]

Have just witnessed stupidity at its worst in the car parking area at the back of the shops next door. Saw a huge pall of blue smoke engulfing the entire car park and immediately thought there was a vehiclee on fire. Rushed outside and across to the car park grabbing the dry powder extinguisher from the garage on the way. Got there and discovered the source of the smoke......a fairly new looking Barina with an obviously blown motor. When I suggested to the blonde reving the c**p out of the car that her motor was shot and she should cease driving the vehicle she calmy took the fag out of her mouth and replied "its not my car"....and drove off laying a smoke screen the British Admiralty would have been hard pressed to beat.

[echnidna]

It mighta been her ex's car!!

[bsrlee]

This takes me back.......

Story one. A bloke I used to work with got a job once to deliver an early Diesel truck to a country location - roughly Sydney to Albury. In those days there were very few petrol stations with diesel, so the dealer set up some 44 gallon tanks as extra 'long range reserve' fuel tanks. Anyhow, while pulled up at a roadside food & fuel, he saw some young lads poking around the new truck. About an hour later he found them on the side of the road, bonnet up, wondering why the FJ didn't run any more. It was a REALLY long walk to anywhere & they wondered who was the man laughing & giving them a big wave .....

Story the second. Several years ago, one of the Police radio technicians was driving the company 4WD, complete with 'POLICE' signs & lights, when it bucketed down. Then lightning took out the pumps that stop the underpass in Parramatta Road, Granville, under the railway bridge, from flooding. He used the winch to pull several stranded motorists out of the drink (they were in there when the water came up) & set up as a roadblock to stop any more cars going in. Along comes 'smarty' - over the median strip & straight into the water - gergle,gurgle, gloop! - smarty climbs out & wonders why the Police-person gives him a 'Negligent driving' ticket & won't pull his car out of the drink, making him pay for a tow-truck.