Cricket

[Sir Stinkalot]

Following the crushing defeat of Pakistan, the International Cricket Council has imposed a new set of rules for the up coming Ashes series to make the contest more even.

1. As a result, England has been granted an 'automatic wickie', freeing up wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the rule, Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball nicks their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule is a compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for automatic slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that "someone has to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."

2. In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out the word "crease" when completing a run to make run out decisions by umpires easier.

3. Following his outstanding performances, Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it goes across the road.

4. Instead of using a bat, Matt Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm with his jumper wrapped around it.

5. New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are fielding, and the provision of "last man carries" when they are batting.

6. The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to "can't get out first ten overs", but the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs gained would hardly be worth the effort. Australian captain Steve Waugh as vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal. Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at either end.

7. A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".

8. English pace bowler Andy Caddick will also be allowed to wrap the ball's seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.

9. The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless "it is really, really obvious."

10. Shane Warne has conceded that it’s "fair enough" that he has to bowl underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.

11. If England decides that Steven Harmison is to be given an over, the umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infinitesimally small.

Despite the changes, Australia remains firm favourites going into the Ashes Series, paying $0.22, while an English win is currently paying $1.3 trillion.

[soundman]

There are two reasons that cricket will never be a truly great game.

1. It takes 3 to 5 days....... 5 days to play a game. It is the monopoly of ball sports.

2. The vast majority of the time of the 24 available players a maximimum of 4 players are gamefully employed playing the game.
1 throwing, 1 catching, 2 running. The others just stand arround & watch.
And this requires the seervices of 3 umpires.
A comentry team of at least 4 preferably 6 is required to allow for proper meal brakes and for fresh non related patter.

Im not surprise that the yanks can't understand it.

You mean it takes 5 days!!!!!

[Eastie]

The best thing about cricket ...

the yanks won't touch it

[Red neck]

Eastie,

They probably have enough trouble comprehending gridiron and baseball without tackling cricket and rugby.

“The owner called it a cricket table. It was used, so he told me, to serve refreshments at cricket matches – the English ball game that’s kind of like baseball.”

Extract from ‘Mostly Shaker’ by Norm Abram in explaining a table design to ‘youall’.

Being somewhat of a follower of cricket, I once sat through a baseball match in Wichita. I must say that I had no idea of the rules of baseball. The guy next to me tried to put the match into some perspective but the ends didn’t come together for me so I am still none the wiser.

Sorry Norm, cricket ain’t like baseball!

[Gino]

I remember when the Americas cup was held in Perth back in the days when Bondy was at his peak. An Australian reporter asked an American tourist what they thought of cricket, While I can't quite say it as it was said on t.v as it is in writing and will lose a bit of its humour.
He compared it to when he goes shopping with his wife to buy a dress and when she finally choses one he feels like clapping.

G