Golfers

[Ray from Toronto]

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of
golf.....Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through
the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll
have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how
much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the
door. A warm voice said, "Come on in. When they opened the door
they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and
a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people
that broke this window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle
for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to
grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,
I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment
and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the
rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the
least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie
asked."I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will
always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish,
genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't
been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex
with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you
know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you
think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know,
you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do
the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent
the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled
over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you
and your husband?" "We're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"FAIR DINKUM. Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe in genies?"

Australianised now Ray

[This message has been edited by (edited 14 October 2002).]

[Gino]

they couldn't have been Australians Ray.

Gino

[Tim the Timber Turner]

I must protest at 's attempt to destroy Multiculturalisium on this site.

Why must we Australianise everything?

When I turn on the telly these days to watch some good old fashioned entertainment all I get is references to Kangaroos, Holdens and Meat Pies.

What ever happened to a good old North American cowboy movie??

What next?

Kids in North American schools talking with an Aussie acent?

Aussie Rules footy in Canada?

An Australian buy out of Coke and McDonalds.

Shame on you .

My humble (tongue in cheek) opinion.

Cheers




------------------
Some days I turns thisaway, somedays I turns thataway and other days I don't turn at all.

[Ray from Toronto]

Sorry Buds but here comes another:


A man was walking along the beach in California one day, thinking to
himself and doing his best to sort out his life and pray for happiness. He
stopped and looked up to the sky, looking for a sign of his faith, and said,
"Oh Lord, if you are there... grant me one wish."

Suddenly there was a crack of lightning in the sky and in a booming
voice echoed from above, saying, "Man, you have done your best to be
faithful, though you have not always succeeded. I will grant your prayer and
offer you one wish."

The man looked out over the ocean, thought it over for a moment,
and said, "I wish for you to build a bridge all the way to Australia, so I can
drive over anytime I want to."
The voice boomed, "Think of what this would entail! The millions
of tons of concrete and steel, the depths of the Pacific to build on... such
a materialistic wish! I can certainly do it, as anything is in my power, but
it would be better for your soul to put aside this desire for worldly
things. Pray for a moment and think of another wish, a wish that would honor
and glorify me."

The man sat down on the sand and thought about it. Finally he
gazed upward and said, "Oh Lord, I have been married and divorced five
times. I
did not understand any of my wives, and every one said i was insensitive and
ignorant..."

"Lord," he continued. "My wish is to understand women, to know how
they feel, what they think, why they laugh and cry, and how I can
truly make them happy." The man looked up at the sky, awaiting his answer.
There was a minute of absolute silence... then another... and another.

Finally, the voice boomed, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


Foregive me if you have had this before

[Gino]

Under the circumstances it was well timed.

regards

Gino